Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Managers N Boss!!!
A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their way to a meeting.On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp. They rub the lamp and a ghost appears.
The ghost says,"Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three, I will allow one wish each"
So the eager senior manager shouted,"I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas, on a fast boat and have no worries."Pufffff. and he was gone. Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouted "I want to be In Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails." Pufffff. and he was also gone.
The boss calmly said, "I want these two idiots back in the office after lunch at 12.35pm."
Moral: "ALWAYS ALLOW THE BOSS TO SPEAK FIRST"
The ghost says,"Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three, I will allow one wish each"
So the eager senior manager shouted,"I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas, on a fast boat and have no worries."Pufffff. and he was gone. Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouted "I want to be In Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails." Pufffff. and he was also gone.
The boss calmly said, "I want these two idiots back in the office after lunch at 12.35pm."
Moral: "ALWAYS ALLOW THE BOSS TO SPEAK FIRST"
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Monday, September 7, 2009
Friday, August 28, 2009
Bubble in the Bathtub!!!
A new lady teacher came to teach 8th standard students.
As it was the first day, she gave her intro, and asked all the students to Introduce themselves with name and hobby.
She said, " Let's start with the boys first."
Boys start giving their intro...
First boy: "My name is John, and my hobby is to see bubble in the bathtub."
Teacher was confused to listen but said, "Interesting.
Well, Ok. In fact, we must be honest in telling the hobby. And after all there is essentially a child in each of us. So it's ok John. Yes next."
Second boy: "Myself Peter and my hobby is to see bubble in the bathtub."
Teacher now got surprised and said, "Good. I like the spirit of supporting a friend. Ok next. "
This continues...
and the last boy stands up "I'm Harry and my hobby is to see bubble in the Bathtub. "
Exhausted, the teacher said, "I don't think I will be able to teach un-grown boys for long.
Anyway, now the girls please. "
First girl: "I'm Julie and my hobby is to see birds."
Teacher: "Good. At last I got something different. OK next."
Second girl: "I'm Ruby and I like to collect perfumes."
Teacher "Now it's like educated grown up girls. Ok next. You sweet girl;
Yes you... "
Most beautiful girl of the class:
"Madam, my name is 'Bubble', and my hobby is to take bath three times a day."
Teacher Fainted!!!
(Provided By: Santosh Shrestha, software engineer)
As it was the first day, she gave her intro, and asked all the students to Introduce themselves with name and hobby.
She said, " Let's start with the boys first."
Boys start giving their intro...
First boy: "My name is John, and my hobby is to see bubble in the bathtub."
Teacher was confused to listen but said, "Interesting.
Well, Ok. In fact, we must be honest in telling the hobby. And after all there is essentially a child in each of us. So it's ok John. Yes next."
Second boy: "Myself Peter and my hobby is to see bubble in the bathtub."
Teacher now got surprised and said, "Good. I like the spirit of supporting a friend. Ok next. "
This continues...
and the last boy stands up "I'm Harry and my hobby is to see bubble in the Bathtub. "
Exhausted, the teacher said, "I don't think I will be able to teach un-grown boys for long.
Anyway, now the girls please. "
First girl: "I'm Julie and my hobby is to see birds."
Teacher: "Good. At last I got something different. OK next."
Second girl: "I'm Ruby and I like to collect perfumes."
Teacher "Now it's like educated grown up girls. Ok next. You sweet girl;
Yes you... "
Most beautiful girl of the class:
"Madam, my name is 'Bubble', and my hobby is to take bath three times a day."
Teacher Fainted!!!
(Provided By: Santosh Shrestha, software engineer)
Friday, August 21, 2009
Kids Are Quick!!!
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Maria , go to the map and find North America .
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: Maria .
____________________________________________
TEACHER: John , why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
____________________________________________
TEACHER: Glenn , how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
(I Love this kid)
____________________________________________
TEACHER: Donald , what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
__________________________________
TEACHER: Winnie , name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glen , why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
_______________________________________
TEACHER: Millie , give me a sentence starting with ' I. '
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie ....... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet..'
________________________________
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie , do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.
______________________________________
TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
______________________________
TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE: No, sir. It's the same dog.
___________________________________
TEACHER: Harold , what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher
__________________________________
(Provided By: Preveena Govindaraja)
TEACHER: Maria , go to the map and find North America .
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: Maria .
____________________________________________
TEACHER: John , why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
____________________________________________
TEACHER: Glenn , how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
(I Love this kid)
____________________________________________
TEACHER: Donald , what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
__________________________________
TEACHER: Winnie , name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glen , why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
_______________________________________
TEACHER: Millie , give me a sentence starting with ' I. '
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie ....... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet..'
________________________________
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie , do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.
______________________________________
TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
______________________________
TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE: No, sir. It's the same dog.
___________________________________
TEACHER: Harold , what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher
__________________________________
(Provided By: Preveena Govindaraja)
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Deciding The Days!!! (18+)
A young wife, who was becoming frustrated with her young husbands constant demands for sex, decides to make a schedule for him, to cut down on the amount of times that they will have to make love for the rest of their marriage.
While getting ready for work, she writes on a piece of paper, "Honey, you know I love you, but your never ending requests for sex are leaving me drained and really tired. So I propose that we only have sex on days that start with the letter 'T', to minimize the frequency of our lovemaking sessions. Don't be mad at me honey, just understand where I am coming from, and let me know if my request is too demanding of you."
On her way out the door, she uses a refrigerator magnet and sticks the note to the fridge door, hoping that her sex craved husband will be understanding and accepting of her proposal when he reads it.
Upon returning home, she glances at the refrigerator and notices that her note has been replaced with a note from her husband that reads, "Baby, I didn't' realize that I was putting you under so much pressure and I'm sorry.
I accept your proposal and have even taken the extra step of listing at the bottom of this letter, those days starting with the letter 'T' to make sure that we are on the same page.
1. TUESDAY
2. THURSDAY
3. TODAY
4. TOMORROW
P.S. I love you too, and remember it's still TODAY, I am waiting for you upstairs."
While getting ready for work, she writes on a piece of paper, "Honey, you know I love you, but your never ending requests for sex are leaving me drained and really tired. So I propose that we only have sex on days that start with the letter 'T', to minimize the frequency of our lovemaking sessions. Don't be mad at me honey, just understand where I am coming from, and let me know if my request is too demanding of you."
On her way out the door, she uses a refrigerator magnet and sticks the note to the fridge door, hoping that her sex craved husband will be understanding and accepting of her proposal when he reads it.
Upon returning home, she glances at the refrigerator and notices that her note has been replaced with a note from her husband that reads, "Baby, I didn't' realize that I was putting you under so much pressure and I'm sorry.
I accept your proposal and have even taken the extra step of listing at the bottom of this letter, those days starting with the letter 'T' to make sure that we are on the same page.
1. TUESDAY
2. THURSDAY
3. TODAY
4. TOMORROW
P.S. I love you too, and remember it's still TODAY, I am waiting for you upstairs."
Men's Thought (18+)...
1. When I was born, I was given a choice - A big d*ck or a good memory.. I don't remember, what I chose !!
2. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects !!
3. Impotence: Nature's way of saying 'No hard feelings...'
4. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men -
'don't' and 'stop', unless they are used together !!
5. Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on
earth !!
6. There are three stages of sex in a man's life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly and Try Weakly !!
7. Virginity can be cured !!
8. Virginity is not dignity, its lack of opportunity !!
9. Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand !!
10. I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dialer were too small !!
11. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy !!
12. Q: What's an Australian kiss?
A: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under !!
13. A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy
with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing !!
14. Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a mans life?
A: Life sucks, job sucks and wife doesn't !!
15. Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don't have eyes !!
16. Despite the old saying, 'Don't take your troubles to bed', many men still sleep with their wives!!
(Provided By: Anonymous)
2. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects !!
3. Impotence: Nature's way of saying 'No hard feelings...'
4. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men -
'don't' and 'stop', unless they are used together !!
5. Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on
earth !!
6. There are three stages of sex in a man's life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly and Try Weakly !!
7. Virginity can be cured !!
8. Virginity is not dignity, its lack of opportunity !!
9. Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand !!
10. I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dialer were too small !!
11. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy !!
12. Q: What's an Australian kiss?
A: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under !!
13. A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy
with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing !!
14. Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a mans life?
A: Life sucks, job sucks and wife doesn't !!
15. Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don't have eyes !!
16. Despite the old saying, 'Don't take your troubles to bed', many men still sleep with their wives!!
(Provided By: Anonymous)
Sunday, August 16, 2009
39 Interesting Facts You Might Be Unaware!!!
1. The longest one-syllable word in the English language is "screeched."
2. "Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt"
3. Almonds are members of the peach family.
4. The symbol on the "pound" key (#) is called an octothorpe.
5. The dot over the letter 'i' is called a tittle.
6. Ingrown toenails are hereditary.
7. The word "set" has more definitions than any other word in the English language.
8. "Underground" is the only word in the English language that begins and ends with the letters "und."
9. There are only four words in the English language which end in "-dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.
10. The longest word in the English language, according to the Oxford English Dictionary, is pneumonoultramicros copicsilicovolca noconiosis.
11. The only other word with the same amount of letters is its plural: pneumonoultramicros copicsilicovolca noconiosesl.
12. The longest place-name still in use is Taumatawhakatangiha ngakoauauotamate aturipukakapikim aungahoronukupok aiwe-nuakit natahu, a New Zealand hill.
13. Los Angeles's full name is "El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reinade los Angeles de Porciuncula" and can be abbreviated to 3.63% of its size,L.A.
14. An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
15. Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.
16. Alfred Hitchcock didn't have a belly button. It was eliminated when he was sewn up after surgery.
17. Telly Savalas and Louis Armstrong died on their birthdays.
18. Donald Duck's middle name is Fauntleroy.
19. The muzzle of a lion is like a fingerprint - no two lions have the same pattern of whiskers.
21. A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.
23. There is a seven-letter word in the English language that contains ten words without rearranging any of its letters, "therein": the,there, he, in, rein, her, here, ere, therein, herein.
24. Dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood donors.
26. A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.
27. It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
28. Cranberries are sorted for ripeness by bouncing them; a fully ripened cranberry can be dribbled like a basketball.
30. The letters KGB stand for Komitet Gosudarstvennoy Bezopasnosti
31. 'Stewardesses' is the longest English word that is typed with only the left hand.
33. The combination "ough" can be pronounced in nine different ways; the following sentence contains them all: "A rough-coated, dough-faced, thoughtful ploughman strode through the streets of Scarborough; after falling into a slough, he coughed and hiccoughed."
34. The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable.
35. Facetious and abstemious contain all the vowels in the correct order, as does arsenious, meaning "containing arsenic."
36. Emus and kangaroos cannot walk backwards, and are on the Australian seal for that reason.
37. Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds, while dogs only have about ten.
38. The word "Checkmate" in chess comes from the Persian phrase "Shah Mat," which means "the king is dead."
39. The reason firehouses have circular stairways is from the days of yore when the engines were pulled by horses. The horses were stabled on the ground floor and figured out how to walk up straight staircases.
2. "Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt"
3. Almonds are members of the peach family.
4. The symbol on the "pound" key (#) is called an octothorpe.
5. The dot over the letter 'i' is called a tittle.
6. Ingrown toenails are hereditary.
7. The word "set" has more definitions than any other word in the English language.
8. "Underground" is the only word in the English language that begins and ends with the letters "und."
9. There are only four words in the English language which end in "-dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.
10. The longest word in the English language, according to the Oxford English Dictionary, is pneumonoultramicros copicsilicovolca noconiosis.
11. The only other word with the same amount of letters is its plural: pneumonoultramicros copicsilicovolca noconiosesl.
12. The longest place-name still in use is Taumatawhakatangiha ngakoauauotamate aturipukakapikim aungahoronukupok aiwe-nuakit natahu, a New Zealand hill.
13. Los Angeles's full name is "El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reinade los Angeles de Porciuncula" and can be abbreviated to 3.63% of its size,L.A.
14. An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
15. Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.
16. Alfred Hitchcock didn't have a belly button. It was eliminated when he was sewn up after surgery.
17. Telly Savalas and Louis Armstrong died on their birthdays.
18. Donald Duck's middle name is Fauntleroy.
19. The muzzle of a lion is like a fingerprint - no two lions have the same pattern of whiskers.
21. A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.
23. There is a seven-letter word in the English language that contains ten words without rearranging any of its letters, "therein": the,there, he, in, rein, her, here, ere, therein, herein.
24. Dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood donors.
26. A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.
27. It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
28. Cranberries are sorted for ripeness by bouncing them; a fully ripened cranberry can be dribbled like a basketball.
30. The letters KGB stand for Komitet Gosudarstvennoy Bezopasnosti
31. 'Stewardesses' is the longest English word that is typed with only the left hand.
33. The combination "ough" can be pronounced in nine different ways; the following sentence contains them all: "A rough-coated, dough-faced, thoughtful ploughman strode through the streets of Scarborough; after falling into a slough, he coughed and hiccoughed."
34. The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable.
35. Facetious and abstemious contain all the vowels in the correct order, as does arsenious, meaning "containing arsenic."
36. Emus and kangaroos cannot walk backwards, and are on the Australian seal for that reason.
37. Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds, while dogs only have about ten.
38. The word "Checkmate" in chess comes from the Persian phrase "Shah Mat," which means "the king is dead."
39. The reason firehouses have circular stairways is from the days of yore when the engines were pulled by horses. The horses were stabled on the ground floor and figured out how to walk up straight staircases.
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