What an Awesome Reply!!!

It was a hot meeting at the office conference hall. All the people from the department had been called. The VP was looking much tensed.

The mood was so bad. My friend asked me -”Hey, what is this meeting all about? I told – May be they will decide on when to have the next meeting. People around smiled at each other.

Then the VP started talking. It was about the recent attrition rate that was so high. Around 10 people had put in their papers. All experienced guys. It was quarter end and so work was huge. If we do not complete the work on time, we need to be paying heavy penalty said the VP. The VP turned to the manager and told “Hey – take how much ever resources you want. Recruit or take them from other departments. But complete the work in another 25 days. Take people and complete it man.

To this the sweet manager replied “Sir! Give me one wife and nine months and I shall show you results. Don’t give me nine wives and one month. I cannot do anything.” Everyone looked at him blank. The VP was not prepared for this answer. We looked at the manager and thought “What an Awesome Reply man!”

Legal and Logical!!!

After having failed his exam in "Logistics and Organization", a student goes and confronts his lecturer about it.


Student: "Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?"


Professor: "Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!"


Student: "Great, well then I would like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as is and go. If you however do not know the answer, I want you give me an "A" for the exam. "

Professor: "Okay, it's a deal. So what is the question?"

Student: "What is legal, but not logical, logical, but not legal, and neither logical, nor legal?"

Even after some long and hard consideration, the professor cannot give the student an answer, and therefore changes his exam mark into an "A", as agreed.


Afterwards, the professor calls on his best student and asks him the same question.

He immediately answers: "Sir, you are 63 years old and married to a 35 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 25 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. The fact that you have given your wife's lover an "A", although he really should have failed, is neither legal, nor logical."

Kisses after Swine Flue :)

Fail !!!

Managers N Boss!!!

A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their way to a meeting.On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp. They rub the lamp and a ghost appears.

The ghost says,"Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three, I will allow one wish each"

So the eager senior manager shouted,"I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas, on a fast boat and have no worries."Pufffff. and he was gone. Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouted "I want to be In Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails." Pufffff. and he was also gone.

The boss calmly said, "I want these two idiots back in the office after lunch at 12.35pm."

Moral: "ALWAYS ALLOW THE BOSS TO SPEAK FIRST"

What Happens To IT Professional After Death!!!

1.PROGRAMMERS

2. NETWORK EXPERT

3. HTML/XML EXPERT

DRINK is equal to YOG!!!

(Note:if you are nondrinker, dont start drinking)

Bubble in the Bathtub!!!

A new lady teacher came to teach 8th standard students.

As it was the first day, she gave her intro, and asked all the students to Introduce themselves with name and hobby.

She said, " Let's start with the boys first."

Boys start giving their intro...

First boy: "My name is John, and my hobby is to see bubble in the bathtub."

Teacher was confused to listen but said, "Interesting.

Well, Ok. In fact, we must be honest in telling the hobby. And after all there is essentially a child in each of us. So it's ok John. Yes next."

Second boy: "Myself Peter and my hobby is to see bubble in the bathtub."

Teacher now got surprised and said, "Good. I like the spirit of supporting a friend. Ok next. "

This continues...

and the last boy stands up "I'm Harry and my hobby is to see bubble in the Bathtub. "

Exhausted, the teacher said, "I don't think I will be able to teach un-grown boys for long.

Anyway, now the girls please. "

First girl: "I'm Julie and my hobby is to see birds."

Teacher: "Good. At last I got something different. OK next."

Second girl: "I'm Ruby and I like to collect perfumes."

Teacher "Now it's like educated grown up girls. Ok next. You sweet girl;

Yes you... "

Most beautiful girl of the class:

"Madam, my name is 'Bubble', and my hobby is to take bath three times a day."

Teacher Fainted!!!

(Provided By: Santosh Shrestha, software engineer)

Kids Are Quick!!!

__________________________________________
TEACHER: Maria , go to the map and find North America .
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: Maria .
____________________________________________
TEACHER: John , why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
____________________________________________
TEACHER: Glenn , how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
(I Love this kid)
____________________________________________
TEACHER: Donald , what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
__________________________________
TEACHER: Winnie , name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glen , why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
_______________________________________
TEACHER: Millie , give me a sentence starting with ' I. '
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie ....... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet..'
________________________________
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie , do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.
______________________________________
TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
______________________________
TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE: No, sir. It's the same dog.
___________________________________
TEACHER: Harold , what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher
__________________________________

(Provided By: Preveena Govindaraja)

Deciding The Days!!! (18+)

A young wife, who was becoming frustrated with her young husbands constant demands for sex, decides to make a schedule for him, to cut down on the amount of times that they will have to make love for the rest of their marriage.


While getting ready for work, she writes on a piece of paper, "Honey, you know I love you, but your never ending requests for sex are leaving me drained and really tired. So I propose that we only have sex on days that start with the letter 'T', to minimize the frequency of our lovemaking sessions. Don't be mad at me honey, just understand where I am coming from, and let me know if my request is too demanding of you."


On her way out the door, she uses a refrigerator magnet and sticks the note to the fridge door, hoping that her sex craved husband will be understanding and accepting of her proposal when he reads it.

Upon returning home, she glances at the refrigerator and notices that her note has been replaced with a note from her husband that reads, "Baby, I didn't' realize that I was putting you under so much pressure and I'm sorry.

I accept your proposal and have even taken the extra step of listing at the bottom of this letter, those days starting with the letter 'T' to make sure that we are on the same page.

1. TUESDAY

2. THURSDAY

3. TODAY

4. TOMORROW

P.S. I love you too, and remember it's still TODAY, I am waiting for you upstairs."