A very simple operation

A man was wheeling himself frantically down the hall of the hospital in his wheelchair, just before his operation. A nurse stopped him and asked, "What's the matter?"


He said, "I heard the nurse say, 'It's a very simple operation, don't worry, I'm sure it will be all right.'"


"She was just trying to comfort you, what's so frightening about that?"


"She wasn't talking to me. She was talking to the doctor!"

Four Wives

There was a rich merchant who had 4 wives. He loved the 4th wife the most and adorned her with rich robes and treated her to delicacies. He took great care of her and gave her nothing but the best.

He also loved the 3rd wife very much. He's very proud of her and always wanted to show off her to his friends. However, the merchant is always in great fear that she might run away with some other men.

He too, loved his 2nd wife. She is a very considerate person, always patient and in fact is the merchant's confidante. Whenever the merchant faced some problems, he always turned to his 2nd wife and she would always help him out and tide him through difficult times.

Now, the merchant's 1st wife is a very loyal partner and has made great contributions in maintaining his wealth and business as well as taking care of the household. However, the merchant did not love the first wife and although she loved him deeply, he hardly took notice of her.

One day, the merchant fell ill. Before long, he knew that he was going to die soon. He thought of his luxurious life and told himself, "Now I have 4 wives with me. But when I die, I'll be alone. How lonely I'll be!"

Thus, he asked the 4th wife, "I loved you most, endowed you with the finest clothing and showered great care over you. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?" "No way!" replied the 4th wife and she walked away without another word.

The answer cut like a sharp knife right into the merchant's heart. The sad merchant then asked the 3rd wife, "I have loved you so much for all my life. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?" "No!" replied the 3rd wife. "Life is so good over here! I'm going to remarry when you die!" The merchant's heart sank and turned cold.

He then asked the 2nd wife, "I always turned to you for help and you've always helped me out. Now I need your help again. When I die, will you follow me and keep me company?" "I'm sorry, I can't help you out this time!" replied the 2nd wife. "At the very most, I can only send you to your grave." The answer came like a bolt of thunder and the merchant was devastated.

Then a voice called out : "I'll leave with you. I'll follow you no matter where you go." The merchant looked up and there was his first wife. She was so skinny, almost like she suffered from malnutrition. Greatly grieved, the merchant said, "I should have taken much better care of you while I could have !"

Moral :

Actually, we all have 4 wives in our lives

a. The 4th wife is our body. No matter how much time and effort we lavish in making it look good, it'll leave us when we die.

b. Our 3rd wife ? Our possessions, status and wealth. When we die, they all go to others.

c. The 2nd wife is our family and friends. No matter how close they had been there for us when we're alive, the furthest they can stay by us is up to the grave.

d. The 1st wife is in fact our soul, often neglected in our pursuit of material, wealth and sensual pleasure.

*ENGINEERS IN REALITY* (Very Interesting .................)

Once a man went to a Veterinary Doctor and said:

Doctor I have come on vacation for a month so that I can get myself

treated fully within this period.

Doctor: I think you should go to the Doctor opposite to my clinic, see

that board.

Man: No, Doctor, I have come to you only.....

Doctor: But, gentleman I am a Veterinary Doctor. I am an animal

specialist. I do not treat human beings.

Man: I know, Doctor very well and that is why I have come to you

only...

Doctor: I can not, because you speak like me, think like me, talk

like me which means you are a human being and not

an animal.

Man: I know I am a human but litsen to my complaints first:

Doctor: OK. Tell me.

Man:

I sleep like a dog thinking about my work load whole night.

I get up in the morning like a horse

I go to work running like a deer

I work all the day like a donkey

I run around for 11 months like a bull without any holiday.

I wag my tail in front of all my bosses

I play with my children like a monkey if I get time.

I am like a rabbit before my wife

Doctor: are you an engineer?

Man: Yes

Doctor: Instead of telling this long history you should have told me in

the beginning itself that you are are an engineer. Come man, no one can

treat you better than me.........

Ten ways to stop those credit card sales, mobile companies, insurance calls from irritating you:

1 After the telemarketer finishes speaking, ask him/her to marry you.


2 Tell the telemarketer you are busy at the moment, and ask him/her, if he/she will give you his/her home phone number so you can call him/her back.


3 Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.


4 Tell them it is dinnertime, BUT ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.


5 Tell them that all business goes through your agent, and hand the phone to your five year old child.


6 Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up.... louder... louder... louder!


7 If they start out with, "How are you today?", say "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems............."


8 Tell them to speak very slowly because you want to write every word down.


9 Cry out in surprise, "Helen, is that you? I've been hoping you'd call! How is the family?" When they insist they are not Helen, tell them to stop joking. This works especially well if the telemarketer is really MALE.


10 Tell the ICICI call centre guy to call on your office number - and give him the HSBC call centre number.

Trying to change sex..........................

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home.

He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed:

"Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home.

I want her to know what I go through, so please allow her body to switch with mine for a day. Amen.

God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish.

The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman.

He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids,

Set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches,

Drove them to school, came home and picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners

And stopped at the bank to make a deposit, went grocery shopping,

Then drove home to put away the groceries,

Paid the bills and balanced the checkbook.

He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog.

Then it was already 1 P.M.and he hurried to make the beds,do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor.

Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home.

Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their homework,

Then set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing.

At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper.

After supper, he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed. At 9 P.M. he was exhausted and,



though his daily chores weren't finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through without complaint.

The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said, Lord,

I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day. Please, oh please, let us trade back."

The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied, "My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were.

You'll just have to wait nine months,though. You got pregnant last night."

What Happened To U???....

One morning at a doctor's clinic a patient arrives complaining of serious back-pain. The doctor examines him and asks him" OK, what happened to your back?" The patient replies "You know that I work for a local night club? This morning I got home to my apartment early and heard a noise in my bedroom. On entering I knew someone had been with my wife and the balcony door was open. I rushed out the balcony door and did not find anyone. As I looked down from the balcony I saw a man running out and he was dressing himself. I grabbed the fridge and threw it at him, That's how I strained my back"

The 2nd patient arrives looking as if he has been in a car wreck. The doctor said "My previous patient looked bad, but you look terrible.. What the hell happened to you?" He replied, "You know I have been unemployed for a while now .Today was the first day at my new job. I forgot to set my alarm and was running late... I was running out of the building, getting dressed at the same time, and you won't believe it but I was hit by a fridge."

The 3rd patient arrives; he looks even worse than the other two patients do. The doctor is shocked. Again asks, "What the hell happened to youuuuuu.....?" "Well I was sitting in a fridge & someone threw it from the 3rd floor"

म बिहे गर्न सामान्य केटि पाउन संघर्षरत छु।

एम ए पढ्दै छे, स्कुलमा पढाउँछे, केटि राम्री छ, एकचोटि हेर" आमाले चिया संग प्रस्ताव पस्कनु भयो । बिहे गर्ने त यस्तै केटि संग हो, तर पनि यो मामला मा किन किन म decision गर्न एकदम weak भएरहेको थिंए ।"खान्दानि छन् रे, आंगन पनि ठुलो छ" आमाको भनाईको आसय मैले प्रष्टरुपमा बुझेको थिए । तर कुनै विबाद नगरि म चुप् लागेर कुरा सुनि रहे ।
"एक्लि छोरी, काठमाण्डौंमा दाजु भाई संग बसेर पढेकि, शिल स्वाभाव राम्रो छ, घर गरिखान्छे हाम्रो" आमा थप्दै हुनुहुन्थो, मलाई चियो भन्दा ति कुरा र बयान मीठा लाग्दै थिए । एक किसिमले आमा मेरो कल्पनामा बुट्टाहरु भर्दै हुनुहुन्थ्यो ।
"मलाई त मन खायो, तंलाई भनेर फोटो मगाएकि छु, ला" आमाले २ वटा फोटो हातमा राखिदिनु भयो ।
आमाको अगाडि नियालेर हेर्न लाज भयो । केटि त राम्री नै हो । मैले झलक्क हेर्दा त्यहि देखें ।
म रिमोट बटारि रहेको थिंए । ०-५२ फेरि ० च्यानल सम्म बटार्नु मेरो पुरानो बानि । भरे बुआ आएपछि कुरा गरौला भनेर आमा गिलास उठाउँदै जानु भयो । आमा गएपछि 'केटिलाई' नियालें ।
मुहार त राम्रै हो । कपाल कत्रो हो प्रष्ट संग देखिएको थिएन । कुर्ता सलवार, बाहुला नभएको (sleeveless) ले उनका पाखुरा राम्रो संग देखिएको थियो । गोरो रंगमा खुलेको । ग्लामसर जस्तो । चस्मा लगाएकि, गोरि, मोटि-मोटि। मैले त्यो फोटोमा मेरि दुलहि खोज्न थालें ।
आमा खाजा लिएर आउनु भयो । फेरि त्यहि उसिनेको तरुल र टमाटर को चट्नि । मीठो लाग्छ भन्दै मा दिनै पिच्छे खुवाएर हैरान ।
मैले मुख फोरेर भने । पहिले म भेटछु, कुरा गर्छु अनि मात्र हजुर हरु । आमा मान्नु भयो ।
म पनि दंङ्ग परे । खोजे जस्ति श्रीमति पाईने भयो भनेर । खाजा त्यसै मीठो भयो ।
बुआ पनि ढिलो ढिलै आउनु भयो । 'बुढाले बियर दन्काएछन' मन मनै भने ।
'केटि त अर्कै खोजौ है" बुआले खाना पछि भन्नु भयो ।
"किन नि" आमाले अलिक कडा स्वरमा भन्नु भयो ।
"आऽऽऽऽऽऽ अर्कि खोजौ न, मलाई अलिक मन खाएन "
"बिहे तपाईंले गर्ने कि कान्छाले" आमा रिसाउनु भयो ।
मेरो मन कुडिंयो । कस्तो कस्तो कल्पना गरिसकेको थिए, त्यो फोटो कि दुलहि संग । बुआ, बुढा खुब संसार उनैले बुझेको जस्तो । मलाई पनि रिस उठ्यो ।
" मैले त उ बेला नै ल्याएको नि तंलाई । कान्छाकै लागि भनेको । अझै राम्री खोज्न पर्यो भनेको ।" बुआ हांस्नु भयो । यसपालि आमाले पनि हुन्छ भन्नु भयो । मैले कुर बुझिन, त्यसै मन खिन्न भयो ।
रात भरि खट्पटि भईरह्यो । किन बुआले मन बटार्नु भयो । के भएछ । केटि त गतिलि जस्ति छे । पढाइ पनि ठिक छ । राम्रि पनि हो । बुआ आमाले आश गरेको जति देलान नै, नत्र म के काम । फेरि त्यति को लागि मेरो बिहे के रोक्नु हुन्थ्यो बुआले । किन किन, मैले पत्तो लगाउन सकिन ।
बिहान ४-५ बजेको हुंदो हो । त्यसै बिउंझिए । आमा बुआ गुनगुनाउदै हुनुहुन्थ्यो । मैले कान थापेर सुनें ।
"कहिले रहेछ?" आमाले सोध्नु भयो ।
"खोई BA पढ्दा अरे "
"नेवार केटो थियो रे । खुब संगै हिड्थे रे । टोल छिमेकमा कुरा उठेछ । के के भयो दैब जानुन । अर्काकि छोरि नदेखि नसुनि बात लाउन हुन्न । अनि पढाईको बिचमा नै दाजु संग काठमाण्डौं पठाएका रे "
"होस, किन हामी अघि बढ्ने । कुरा उनैले राखेका हुन । छोरो मानेन भनिदिउंला" आमाले भन्नु भयो ।
"कान्छालाई नभन्नु, चित्त दुखाउँछ । फेरि यति सानो कुरा भन्दै उफ्रन्छ । केटा केटि नै छ, एसो केहि भनेर टारिदे न"
मलाई बिस्मात त भयो । तर हांसो पनि लाग्यो । मन मनै सोचें "अब म I Sc, BE, M Sc पढ्दा जति केटि साथि संग हिडे, डुले, खाजा खाए, बरै कसै को बिहे नहुने भयो । कठै मेरा केटि साथि हरु । "
जित्नु केहि थिएन । त्यसैले बुआ, आमाको कुरा मैले प्रतिवाद गरिन ।
बिहान अफिसको लागि निस्कन लाग्दा आमा फोन मा कुरा गर्दै हुनु हुन्थ्यो
"एएऽऽऽऽऽ, सापकोटा? हो हो चिने । ल ल म भरे आँउछु। अनि कुरा गरौंला ।"
**********************************************************
नाकको फुलि फुकालेकि रहिछन् । उनि बानेश्वरको nds छिर्ने बित्तिकै मैले उनको नाक notice गरि हाले । चिन्न गार्हो त भएन ? उनि नबसुन्जेल म उठिरहे ।
'भएन' उनि मुस्काइन् । दाँत मिलेका रहेछन् । मेरो पनि सफा गर्नु पर्ने । मैले मेरो अधुरो काम सम्झिहालें ।
'कफि लिने?'
'होइन, म त चिया लिन्छु ।' उनले आफ्नो ईच्छा राखिन् । म ब्लाक कफिमा अडिग भए ।
मैले उनलाई जसरि हेरको थिए, वेटरले मलाई त्यसरि नै ।
'अरु पछि भनौला' यति भनेपछि मात्र वेटर गयो ।
केटा र केटि पहिले भेटने अनि मिल्यो भने मात्र कुरा अगाडि बढाउने भनेर कुरा मैले नै राखेको थिंए ।
केटि B Sc को exam दिएर बसेकि । बिराटनगर कि केटि । सापकोटा, उपाध्याय बाहुन । आमाले को साइनो बाट कुरा मिलाउनु भएको । हाम्रो जस्तै परिवार छ रे । आमाले भन्नु भएको । कान्छी छोरी, दिदीहरु भन्दा राम्री ।
पुड्कि नै त होईन तर हाइट कम । म पो कौन सा अग्लो छु र? जोडि त मिल्छ । मैले मन मनै गुने ।
'अनि फुर्सद मा के गर्दै हुनुहुन्छ?' ५ मिनेट सोचेर मैले प्रश्न सोधें ।
'buffalo को metabolism को बारेमा एउटा paper follow गर्दै छु ।" मेरो उडेको प्रश्नलाई उनले discrete उत्तर दिइन् ।
मैले abstract expression देखांए ।
केटि कडा रहिछ । निचोड संगै मैले कफि घुटुक्क पारे ।
'carrier को main turning point मा बिबाह सोच्नु भएको?' मैले पनि वजनदार प्रश्न फालें ।
उनि एकछिन सोच्न थालिन् । मलाई कता कता खुसि लाग्यो । राम्रो प्रश्न गर्न सफल भएकोमा ।
कपाल खेलाउँदै निकै बेर अन्कनाएपछि उनि बोल्दै थिइन् । त्यति नै बेला वेटर आइपुग्यो ।
'केहि order गर्नु न ल' उनले मेनु मतिर फर्काइन् ।
'दुईवटा चिकेन रोल र एउटा फ्रेन्च फ्राई ।' अर्डर गरेपछि आफैलाई गालि गरे ।
बानेश्वरको nds को रोल एकदम झुर हुन्छ ।
'एउटा चांहि भेज गर्नु ल' उनले यस पटक पनि order change गरिन् ।
'चिकेन मिठो लाग्दैन?' मैले केहि नसोचि, केटा साथिलाई जस्तो प्रश्न गरें ।
'im vegetarian'
'एएएऽऽऽऽ' मलाई नराम्रो पनि लागेन । मेरो reaction neutral थियो ।
उनले आफ्नो भनाई सुरु गरिन् । ब्याग टेबल मा थियो । टिस्सि पेपर झिकेर हातमा लिइन् ।
'म master's लाई apply गर्दै छु, Australia, यो session मा' ।
'अब गएपछि फेरि ३-४ बर्षमा मात्र आइएला । दिदी हरुको बिहे भएसक्यो । घरमा मेरो मात्र बाकि, ममि बाबा को मन पनि राखिदिनु पर्यो । फेरि पछि आफुलाई पनि ढिला हुन्छ । त्यसैले अहिले गर्ने सोचेको ।'
उनि भन्दै गइन् । कफि वा उनको कुरा, के ले मलाई झुम्म बनायो, थाहा भएन ।
'युनिभर्सिटिले अफर लेटर पठाइसक्यो । ADB को scholarship पाएको छु । त्यसैले राम्रो छ chance । Australia मा dependent ले काम गर्न पाउँछन । so, technical line को partner भयो भने सजिलो हुन्छ भनेर, हजुर संग कुरा चलेको हो ।'
'अनि पढाइ पछि , के गर्ने ?' मैले एकै चोटि अन्तिम प्रश्न सोधें ।
'clearly भनौं है । अब यत्रो try गरेर पढेर फेरि यहि नेपालमा struggle गर्ने त आंउदिन । बरु retired life मा आंउला । this is my plan and vision of life, त्यहि हो । ' आंखी भौं उठाउँदै उनले आफ्ना बिचार राखिन् ।
'भनेपछि कहिले को session लाई try गरेको?'
'२ महिना मा session शुरु हुन्छ । भ्यायो भने यहि महिनामा, नत्र document बनाउन ढिला हुन्छ ।'

कफि हिउं चुलि भएको थियो । म पनि सोचमा हराए ।
मेरो Pulchowk मा मास्टर्स सकिन अझै एक बर्ष बाकिं । गए पनि मैले us को सोचेको हो । Australia को त मैले सोचेको नै छैन । यि त तपसिलका कुरा, मलाई सबै भन्दा गाह्रो र अफ्ठ्यारो लागेको को कुरा त "आफु qualified भएर, स्वास्निको dependent भएर Australia जानु, भात पकाउन ??" मलाई मेरो दिमाग मा गढेको पारम्परिक पौरुषता को आडम्बर र रुढिबादि सामाजिक सोचले तर्सायो, उकास्यो ।
कता कता आफैमा डुबेको थिंए । कुन त nd's को नमिठो चिकेन रोल त्यहि माथि चिसिएको ।
'तपाईं को के छ plan?' उनको पालो थियो सोध्ने ।
म असमन्जस्यमा परें ।
'म सोच्दै छु ।' मैले साँचो उत्तर दिएं ।
'अफ्ठ्यारो नमानि भने हुन्छ ।'

उनको नाकमा टोमेटो सस लागेको रहेछ । उनकै हात बाट टिस्सि पेपर लिएर मैले पुछिंदिए । उनि शर्मिलो मुस्काइन् ।
'फेरि कफि खाँउ है' भनेर मैले एउटा black coffee र एउटा milk tea मगाएं । उनले होइन, दुइ वटै black coffee भनिन् । म हासें । उनि पनि ।
कफि आयो, लामो सास लिएर मैले सुरु गरे ।
'I don't want to break my study right now. अब शुरु गरि सके । बिचमा म छोड्न सक्दिन । अनि मैले त्यस्तो permanently abroad जाने plan गरेको छैन । I have to be with my parents'
लप्पन-छप्पन excuses नगरि मैले सिधा शब्दमा मेरो व्यवहार र वास्तविकता राखें ।
'you are a good person' उनि कफि खादै हांसिन् । नाक मा केहि लागेको थिएन र पनि नाक पुछिरहेकि थिईन् ।
चिनि पुगेनछ । एक चम्चा थपिन् । मैले पनि मेरो कप अगाडि बढाए । उनले मेरो मा पनि हालि दिइन् र चिनि घोलिन् ।
'sorry, मैले हजुरको कफि जुठो गरिदिए' उनले भनिन् ।
'अव मीठो हुन्छ होला' म हांसे ।
केहि बात पछि उनले नै भनिन् । ' अफ्ठ्यारो मान्नु पर्दैन. We have our own paths of life. Our paths are different so leave this issue. Take it easy. I can handle my parents'
उनि English बोल्दा बढि comfortable थिइन् । उनको कुरा ले मलाई पनि सजिलो भयो । नत्र आमा बुआ लाई कुरा वुझाउन गाह्रो हुन्थ्यो ।
मेरा साथि हरु म भन्दा राम्रा छन नि, म हजुर को बारेमा कुरा गर्छु ' बाकि रहेको एक मात्र finger chips मा धेरै सस दलेर उनले मीठो मानि मानि खाइन् । म हासें ।
'मेरा पनि batch mate हरु छन Australia म भन्दा पनि good persons हरु । ill provide their id to you.'
हामी दुबै जना मरि मरि हास्यौं ।
उनले डायरि निकालेर मेरो email id मागिन् ।
मैले सकेसम्म राम्रो अक्षरमा लेखें
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"सुष्मा हो नि केटि को नाम, बिर्सेलास!' आमाले हिड्नु अगाडि भन्नु भयो । म झसंग भए । शंका दह्रो भयो ।
हाम्रै कलेज पढेकि केटि भनेपछि चिनेको त होला भन्दै थिए । न्यौपानेकी छोरी, सुष्मा । सुष्मा न्यौपाने । २ ब्याच जुनियर ।

हेर्ने जाने भनेर जुत्ता लगाइसकेको थिए । आमालाई केहि भनिन । जुत्ता मा पालिस लगाउन बाकिं थियो । मन लागेन, लगाइन ।
'सन्तोषको अफेयर चलेको थियो, कलेजमा । डेढ बर्ष अगाडि उ US गएको थियो । तर कलेज पछि सुष्मा को बारेमा मलाई जानकारि भएन ।
के भन्ने के गर्ने जस्तो भयो । केहि भनिन ।
वुआ पनि रेडि हुनुभयो ।
'जाउँ हिड' भन्नु भयो । म पछि लागे । आमा बाहिर सम्म निस्कनु भयो ।

'सापकोटा' केटिको कुरा असफल भएपछि आमा मेरो बिहेलाई लिएर झन जोड तोड का साथ लाग्नु भएको थियो ।
'यो फाल्गुणमा जसरि पनि कान्छाको बिहे गर्ने' बुआ संग प्राय: नझर्किने मेरी आमा ले एक सांझ कडा स्वरमा भन्नु भयो । त्यो दिन बुआ त केहि बोल्नु भएन, मेरो त के कुरा ।

पुरानो बानेश्वरमा दिदि लाई लिएर हामी मैतिदेवि तिर लाग्यौ ।
'यो DENIM कति धेरै लगाएको' दिदिले बुआको aftershave को कडा बास्ना को विरोध गरि ।
'आफ्नो गालामा मनलागे जति दल्न पर्छ, हा हा हा हा' खैनि खाने मेरो बुआका दाँत कहिल्यै सेता भएनन् ।
दिदी र बुआ गफमा भुल्नु भयो । म सुष्मा र सन्तोषको पुरानो relation सम्झंन थाले ।
क्यान्टिनमा प्राय: उनिहरु संगै हुन्थे । हामी पनि कहिले काहि उनिहरु को group मा सामेल हुन्थ्यौ । सन्तोषले propose गरेको १ बर्षपछि मात्र accept गरेकि थिइन् सुष्माले । मैले त्यस्तै सुनेको थिए । एउटै batch भएपनि faculty फरक भएर होला, सन्तोषसंग त्यस्तो गहिरो र नजिकको दोस्ति भने थिएन मेरो ।
कस्तो संयोग होला, आज म सुष्मालाई हेर्न जादैछु!!! के हो के हो जिवन । कहिले कहां डोहोर्याउँछ कहिले कहाँ ।
One way भएकोले गाडि वरै पार्क गरेर हामी हिड्यौ । दिदीले घर देखेकि थिइं, उ नै अघि लागि । बुआ र म पछि । मैतिदिविको मन्दिर अगाडि सदा झैं यो पटक पनि टाउको निहुर्‌याए ।
Rent को फ्लाटमा बसेको रहेछन् । दोस्रो तल्ला । मिलाएर सजाएको कोठा, सफा ।
नियमित गफ सुरु भए । वातावरण सन्तुलित अनि familiar बनाउने पारम्परिक नेपालि गफ ।
पहाडका गफ बाट ice break भयो ।
'यसका मावलिको चाहि भोजपुर भुल्के । पुर्व ४ नंम्बर । हामी चाहिं १८ सालमा झरेका ।'
बुआ बोल्दै हुनुहुन्थ्यो । दिदी कता अर्को कोठामा गएकि थिइ । म भने त्यो भाइ संग त्यसै काम न काज संग दांत देखाएर बसेको ।
कोठाका सबै थोक नियाल्दै गए । भित्ताका सजावटहरु, सोकेसका श्रृंगारहरु, भुईका गलैचाहरु । टेवल मुनि 'नेपाल' पत्रिका रहेछ । सजिलो भयो ।
बुआ गफमै हुनुहुन्थ्यो । ' यहि कान्छो को मात्र बाकिं, यसको बिहे गरेर हामी चांहि १२ धाम घुम्न जाने सोचेका छौं । हात खुट्टा चल्दै जानु पर्यो नि ।'
'बियर र सुर्ति छोड्नु नि, १२ धामका गफ' मेरो अफ्ठ्यारो समेत मिसाएर मैले बुआलाई मन मनै गालि गरे ।

उनि आइन्, कुर्ता सलवारमा । कपाल पछाडि बाधेको । ट्रेमा चिया बोकेर ।
पहिले बुआलाई दिईन् । अनि उनका बुआलाई दिदै थिईन्, वहांले मतिर इशारा गर्नु भयो । त्यहि कप उनले मतरि राखिन् । मैले अफ्ठ्यारो हातका साथ लिए ।
झन आवाज ननिकालौ भन्यो, कप त्यसै बज्छ । चिया पोखिएला भन्ने कत्रो त्राहि मलाई ।
'संगै बसे भै गयो नि' को देखेको मान्छे भनेको त दिदिको साथि पो हुनुहुदो रहेछ । उठेर नमस्कार गरे ।
'म सुष्मा को दिदी' उनले नै भनिन् । बल्ल बुझे, लमि त दिदिहरु पो रहेछन् । सुष्मालाई ल्याएर म सँगै राखिन् ।
बस्दा उनलाई अलि अलि छोइएको थियो । गाह्रो गरि चियाको पहिलो चुस्कि लिए ।
आथ्था, कस्तो तातो । तालुको छाला सबै पोल्यो ।
कप राखें । तालुको छाला गएछ । मैले जिब्रो भित्र भित्रै बटारिरहें ।
'ल हेर त अफ्ठयारो मानेका, उ पल्लो कोठामा बसेर गफ गर, सजिलो हुन्छ ।' मेरि दिदी बुझ्झकि भईसकेकि थिई । व्यवहार जान्ने, कुरा बुझ्ने, मिलाउने ।
हामी अर्को कोठामा लाग्यौ । सुष्मा अलिक सहज भईन् । म पनि ।
म कुर्सिमा बसे, उनि खाटमा । उनकै कोठा रहेछ । चक्लेटि कुरा ले सजाएको ।

'सुष्मा, मैले हिड्ने बेलामा मात्र थाहा पाए । तिमी कहां आउंदैछु भनेर ।'
उनि अलिक निन्याउरो भइन् ।
'मलाई पहिले नै थाहा थियो, तपाई हो भनेर, त्यसैले नाईं पनि भन्न सकिन '
मेरो प्रसंसा हो वा बिवाह को मन्जुरि मैले बुझिन ।
'पढाउँदै छौ हैन?' मैले प्रसंग बदल्ने प्रश्न गरे ।
'हो' उनले केहि कुरा भन्न सास जोगाउँदै थिइन् । यो कुरा म जति बुझ्दै थिए त्यति नै अफ्ठ्यारो लाग्दै थियो ।
'सुष्मा, I don't know what happened between you and santosh. I only know he is abroad. '
मैले जति रोक्न खोजे पनि यति नभनि म बस्न सकिन ।
निहुरिएकि थिइन् । उनका आँखा भरिएका थिए । त्यहां कुरा गर्न अफ्ठ्यारो थियो । तर पनि हामी त्यहां बाट उठेपछि धेरै महत्त्वपुर्ण decisions हरु हुन्थे त्यहि भएर कुरा गर्न जरुरि थियो, सजिलो अफ्ठ्यारो एकातिर राखेर ।

'im in real dilemma. उनले धेरै बेर पछि आफै भनिन् । हो, सन्तोष र मेरो affair थियो । we still have in some way. सगै us जाने प्लान थियो । तर मेरो GRE एकदम खत्तम भयो । toefl पनि दिएको थिईन । फेरि उसले ra पाएको थियो । उ गएपछि process गर्न एक्लै पनि भए, गाह्रो पनि भयो । अहिले idle जस्तो भएर बसेकोले बिहेको कुरा बढेको हो ।'
'अनि उ के भन्छ?'
'मैले बिहेको कुरा भनि सके । उसले म समर मा मिलाएर आउंछु भनेको छ । यो ३ महिना पर्ख, hold गर भनेको छ ।'
'अनि, parents लाई भनेको छैनौ त?'
'भनेको हो पहिले नै । अरु बेला ठिकै छ भनेर मान्नु पनि भएको हो । तर यो पालि, केटा गतिलो छ । अब सधै बिदेशकालाई कुरेर पनि हुदैन । कुरा मिल्यो भने यहि संग गर्नु पर्छ भनेर ममि ड्याडिले जिद गर्नु भयो । मैले वहां हरुलाई जित्न नै सकिन ।' उनले कुरा नढाँटि राखिन् ।
म सोचमा परे । एक त आफ्नो बिहे को यत्रो संघर्ष अर्को साथीको नासो । सबै कुरा मिलेको छ । घर, परिवार, हाम्रो सोच । सबै थोक । सुष्मा संग बिवाह गर्दा सबै खुसि, उनको परिवार, मेरो परिवार र म पनि । तर पनि मन भन्दा ठुलो कुरा केहि हुन्छ र???
धेरै सोचैर मैले आँट गरेर सोधे 'म के गरौं?'
'please, reject me. It will be easier for me. Please!!!!!'
मैले अपेक्षा गरेको नै उत्तर पाए ।
केहि बेर को मौनता पछि दिदी आई ।
'एकै चोटि कति लामो कुरा गरेका । जाउँ अब' उ जिस्काउँदै थिई ।

घर फर्कन गाडिमा बसियो । बुआ र दिदी पछाडि मेरो भविष्य बुन्दै हुनुहुन्थ्यो म भने तिनै पालिस नलगाएका जुत्तामा आफुलाई नियाल्दै थिएं ।

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कुनै अपराधि जस्तो झोक्राएर बसिरहें । रिमोट बटारिरहेको थिए । आमा चिया लिएर आउनु भयो ।
'आफै कोहि हेरेको छस् भने खुरुक्क भन् , के नाटक गर्छस?' शुरुमै पड्कनु भयो ।
'छैन, कोहि पनि छैन ।" मैले मधुरो स्वरमा छोटो उत्तर दिएं ।
'के भनेर बात लाउँछस्, अर्काकि छोरीलाई । उता तेरि दिदि रिसाएर बम छे । के भन्छस उसलाई । आउँदिन रे अब देखि तेरो घरमा ।'
'बिचरिले साथीकि बहिनि भनेर, पक्का होला भन्दै कुरा मिलाएकि रहिछ । मुखै देखाउन नहुने बनायो भाइले भनेर चित्त दुखाएकि थिइं ।' आमा सुनाउँदै हुनुहुन्थ्यो । मलाई भने यो प्रसंग जति सक्यो छिटो बन्द गर्न मन थियो ।
'आऽऽऽ, अब छोडिदिनु यो कुरा, म अहिले बिहे गर्दिन । अब मास्टर्स सकेपछि मात्र ।'
'कसले समातेको छ र?, तंलाई जे मन लाग्छ त्यहि गर ।
हन, सुन कै चाहिएको होकि ? के हो' आमा सुकाएका लुगा पट्याउँदै बोलि रहनु भयो । म ति कुरा सुन्दै गए । रिमोट बटार्दै गए । म संग बिकल्प थिएन ।
'कति गतिलि केटि थिई, राम्रि उत्तिकै । बिचार मिल्दैन रे !!!!
के का बिचार मिल्न पर्यो । '
'तै पनि त आमा' अलिकति प्रतिवाद गर्न खोजेको थिए ।
'स्वास्नि ले माया गरि हाल्छे, त कमाइ हाल्छस, के हो बिचार नि । हामीले कालो गोरो, बुढो तरुनो, केहि नहेरि बिहे गरियो । खुशी नै छौं, सुखी नै छौं । तैले के खोजेको होस, मैले बुझिन ।'
मैले प्रतिवाद गर्न सकिन । उचित पनि लागेन । फेरि कमै मात्र उठने मेरी आमाको रिस को बेग धेरै हुन्छ ।
आमा लुगा पनि सबै नमिलाई त्यहां बाट हिड्नु भयो । म भने त्यसै के के सोच्दै सोफामा ढल्केर कुराहरु बुनिरहे । उधारि रहें ।
'बिचार मिलेन, फेरि म भन्दा अग्लि रहिछ' यि भन्दा अरु बाहाना मैले दिन सकिन, सुष्मालाई reject गर्न ।
आमा उग्र रिसाउनु भएको थियो । दिदी को त झन कुरै अर्को । हाम्रो मा अब नआउने रे । बुआले आफ्नो भाग बिहान नै भनेर हिड्नु भएको थियो ।
'नाक निके को भागमा झुसिल्किरो पर्छ, कान्छा । साना तिना कुरा खोदल्दा जिन्दगि लडाउलास्, आगे तेरो विचार' यति भनेर वुआ ४ दिन लाई बाहिर जानु भएको थियो । आमाको १०० वटा गालि भन्दा बुआको एकै भनाई ले मलाई चिमोटि रह्यो ।
यस्तै यस्तै कुरा मा रुमलिईरहें । त्यहि सोफामा निदाएंछु । त्यहि टिभि कोठामा । गहिरो गरि निदाएको नै त होईन, तर पनि झपक्क भएछुं ।
टिभि खुल्लै थियो । आमा कति बेला हो आउनु भयो ।
'हेर त, आफ्नो खाटमा त सुत्नु' बिस्तारै आफै सित गुन्गुनाउनु भयो । मैले आँखा खोलिन् ।
टिभि निभाउनु भयो । मेरो नजिकै आउनु भयो । अनि मेरो निधारमा हात राख्नु भयो । च्यादर ल्याएर ओडाईदिनु भयो । जाँदा मेरो चिया को गिलास बोकेर जानु भयो ।
यस पटक चाँहि म मज्जाले निदांए ।

भोलिपल्ट म अफिस बाट छिट्टै निस्के । के मन लाग्यो, असन पुगें । ईन्द्रचोकमा गएर कालो दाल किने । यता उता हिड्दै लसुन, अदुआ, तेज पत्ता, मरिच , के के के के । यस्तै यस्तै कुराहरु । किन किने थाहा पनि छैन । यसो हेरेको पारि पट्टि को पसलमा चप्पलहरु रहेछन् । राम्रो लाग्यो । आमालाई लिईदिए ।

घर पुगेर आमालाई झोला दिए ।
'अर्को हप्ता सत्यनारायणको पूजा लाउने भनेर आज मात्र गुरुजि संग सल्लाह गरेको थिंए । स्वस्ति शान्ति गर्नु पर्यो भनेर । कस्तो जानेर ल्याएछ सामान, म अब जानै परेन ।' आमा खुशी हुनुभयो । मलाई पनि हलुका भयो ।

खाजा संगै आमाले फेरि प्रस्ताव पस्कनु भयो ।
'आमा, भयो यसपालि बिहे नगरौं । अर्को साल, मेरो पढाई पनि सकिन्छ ' मलाई मेरो दुलहि खोजिको संघर्षले धेरै थकाएको थियो । मैले टार्न खोजे ।
'यहि एउटि मात्र, तलाई चित्त खाएन भने म केहि भन्दिन । त्यसपछि त जहिले भन्छस तहिले'
म चुप लागें । नाई पनि भन्न सकिन ।
'दिदीले खोजेकि हो । उसका घरतिर कि केटि हो रे । नर्स।'
निकै बेर चुपलागे पछि मैले भने ' ल आमा, तपाई र दिदी गएर हेर्नु, तपाई दुई जनालाई मन खायो भने, त्यहि केटि जिन्दाबाद । म केहि नभनि बिहे गर्छु । हुन्छ??'
'बजिया' यति भनेर आमाले मेरो टाउको मुसार्नु भयो । त्यो पल साह्रै मीठो थियो ।
आमा दिदि संग फोनमा कुरा गर्दै हुनुहुन्थ्यो । म star movies मा अडिग भएर सोच्न थाले
'जन्तिमा को को साथी हरु बोलाउने????'
(Provided By: Surendra Narayan, Electrical Engineer)

That is why I did NOT take up GRE!!!

A NORMAL PERSON : People who live in glass houses should not throw stones.
GRE STUDENT : Individuals who make their abodes in vitreous edifices would be advised to refrain from catapulting perilous projectiles.

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NORMAL PERSON : Twinkle, twinkle, little star
GRE STUDENT : Scintillate, scintillate, asteroid minim.

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NORMAL PERSON : All that glitters is not gold.
GRE STUDENT : All articles that coruscate with resplendence are not truly auriferous.
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NORMAL PERSON : Beggars are not choosers
GRE STUDENT : Sorting on the part of mendicants must be interdicted.

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NORMAL PERSON : Dead men tell no tales
GRE STUDENT : Male cadavers are incapable of rendering any testimony.

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NORMAL PERSON : Beginner's luck
GRE STUDENT : Neophyte's serendipity.

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NORMAL PERSON : A rolling stone gathers no moss
GRE STUDENT : A revolving lithic conglomerate accumulates no congeries of small, green, biophytic plant.

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NORMAL PERSON : Birds of a feather flock together
GRE STUDENT : Members of an avian species of identical plumage tend to congregate.

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NORMAL PERSON : Beauty is only skin deep
GRE STUDENT : Pulchritude possesses solely cutaneous profundity.

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NORMAL PERSON : Cleanliness is godliness
GRE STUDENT : Freedom from incrustations of grime is contiguous to rectitude.

*********************************************************

NORMAL PERSON : There's no use crying over spilt milk
GRE STUDENT : It is fruitless to become lachrymose of precipitately departed lactile fluid.

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NORMAL PERSON : You can't try to teach an old dog new tricks
GRE STUDENT : It is fruitless to attempt to indoctrinate a superannuated canine with innovative maneuvers.

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NORMAL PERSON : Look before you leap
GRE STUDENT : Surveillance should precede saltation.

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NORMAL PERSON : He who laughs last, laughs best
GRE STUDENT : The person presenting the ultimate cachinnation possesses thereby the optimal cachinnation.

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NORMAL PERSON : All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
GRE STUDENT : Exclusive dedication to necessitous chores without interludes of hedonistic diversion renders Jack a hebetudinous fellow.

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NORMAL PERSON : Where there's smoke, there's fire!
GRE STUDENT : Where there are visible vapours having their provenance in ignited carbonaceous materials, there is conflagration.

Java classes in the tune of "Woh Lamhe....."

Woh classes
Woh objects
Koi na jaane
The kaise applets
Oh oh oh
Interface
Woh abstract classes
Woh abstract classes......
Woh classes..........

Na main jaanu
Na TU jaane
Oh....
Kaise the instances
Koi na jaane
Kahaan se yeh swing aayeee
AWT bhi sang laayi

Khaffa ho gaye hum
Barbaad ho gaye hum.......

Woh classes.....


Data ke abstaraction se ..
Server hil gaya,
Multithreading ke application se..
Exception AA gaya.....

Kahaan se J2EE aayee
JSP bhi sang laayee
Khaffa ho gaye hum
Barbaad ho gaye hum........

Woh classes................

(Provided By: Navaraj Bogati)

Store.....

A store that sells new husbands has just opened where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the floors. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Store. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs. She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids. "That's nice", she thinks, "but I want more." So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking. "Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework. "Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!. Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak. She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor anyway, where the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

PLEASE NOTE:

To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.


Floor 1 - has wives that love sex..
Floor 2 - has wives that love sex and have money.
THE THIRD, FOURTH, FIFTH AND SIXTH FLOORS HAVE NEVER BEEN VISITED.

(Provided By: Uma Shankar Pandey)