Thursday, January 29, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
10 Commandments of Marriage
Commandment 1
Marriages are made in heaven. But so are thunder and lightning.
***********
Commandment 2
If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say; talk in your sleep.
***********
Commandment 3
Marriage is grand -- and divorce is at least 100 grand!
***********
Commandment 4
Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbours listen.
***********
Commandment 5
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: Either the car is new or the wife is.
***********
Commandment 6
Marriage is when a man and woman become as one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
***********
Commandment 7
Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.
***********
Commandment 8
Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook.
But the law allows only one wife.
***********
Commandment 9
Marriage and love are purely matter of chemistry. That is why wives treat husbands like toxic waste.
***********
Commandment 10
A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.
***********
Bonus Commandment ( Story )
A long married couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny.
The wife decided to make a wish too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned.
The husband was stunned for a moment but then smiled,
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
"It really works!"
Marriages are made in heaven. But so are thunder and lightning.
***********
Commandment 2
If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say; talk in your sleep.
***********
Commandment 3
Marriage is grand -- and divorce is at least 100 grand!
***********
Commandment 4
Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbours listen.
***********
Commandment 5
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: Either the car is new or the wife is.
***********
Commandment 6
Marriage is when a man and woman become as one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
***********
Commandment 7
Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.
***********
Commandment 8
Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook.
But the law allows only one wife.
***********
Commandment 9
Marriage and love are purely matter of chemistry. That is why wives treat husbands like toxic waste.
***********
Commandment 10
A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.
***********
Bonus Commandment ( Story )
A long married couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny.
The wife decided to make a wish too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned.
The husband was stunned for a moment but then smiled,
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
"It really works!"
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
The Ultimate FACTS!!!
Men:
************
1. All men are extremely busy.
************
2. Although they are so busy, they still have time for women.
************
3. Although they have time for women, they don't really care for them.
************
4. Although they don't really care for them, they always have one around.
************
5. Although they always have one around them, they always try their luck with others.
************
6. Although they try their luck with others, they get really pissed off if the woman leaves them.
************
7. Although the woman leaves them they still don't learn from their mistakes and still try their luck with others.
************
Women:
************
1. The most important thing for a woman is financial security.
************
2. Although this is so important, they still go out and buy expensive clothes and stuff.
************
3. Although they always buy expensive clothes, they never have something to wear.
************
4. Although they never have something to wear, they always dress beautifully.
************
5. Although they always dress beautifully, their clothes are always just "an old rag".
************
6. Although their clothes are always "just an old rag", they still expect you to compliment them.
************
7. Although they expect you to compliment them, when you do, they don't believe you.
***********
************
1. All men are extremely busy.
************
2. Although they are so busy, they still have time for women.
************
3. Although they have time for women, they don't really care for them.
************
4. Although they don't really care for them, they always have one around.
************
5. Although they always have one around them, they always try their luck with others.
************
6. Although they try their luck with others, they get really pissed off if the woman leaves them.
************
7. Although the woman leaves them they still don't learn from their mistakes and still try their luck with others.
************
Women:
************
1. The most important thing for a woman is financial security.
************
2. Although this is so important, they still go out and buy expensive clothes and stuff.
************
3. Although they always buy expensive clothes, they never have something to wear.
************
4. Although they never have something to wear, they always dress beautifully.
************
5. Although they always dress beautifully, their clothes are always just "an old rag".
************
6. Although their clothes are always "just an old rag", they still expect you to compliment them.
************
7. Although they expect you to compliment them, when you do, they don't believe you.
***********
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
It's a Girl's World.............
If he is late for class, he told,"Time and Tide wait for none".
If she is late, then the bus was late.
If a girl is dressed as a boy, she is modern, says the world.
But if a boy is dressed as a girl, " Has he escaped from the Zoo?"
If a boy talks with a girl, "I think he is trying for her"
But if a girl talks with a boy, then she is trying to be friendly.
When a girl cries, the world is convinced of her
But when a boy cries, "Come on man! Don't be a girl".
If a girl meets with an accident, then it's the mistake of others.
And if a boy meets with an accident, "I think you should learn to drive".
If a boy sits in front of a city bus, he is mannerless and cultureless brute.
But if a girl sits in the back seat, "Try to respect ladies, man!".
If a boy gets a big rank in an entrance exam, "You've to work hard".
But if a girl gets a big rank,... Still got 33! Reservation.
If there are girls in a class, the professor gives an interesting lecture,
And if there are no girls, he says,there is no class today.
If a girl does not answer during a viva, then at least 'smile' says the examiner.
But when a boy does not answer," better luck next time".
If she is late, then the bus was late.
If a girl is dressed as a boy, she is modern, says the world.
But if a boy is dressed as a girl, " Has he escaped from the Zoo?"
If a boy talks with a girl, "I think he is trying for her"
But if a girl talks with a boy, then she is trying to be friendly.
When a girl cries, the world is convinced of her
But when a boy cries, "Come on man! Don't be a girl".
If a girl meets with an accident, then it's the mistake of others.
And if a boy meets with an accident, "I think you should learn to drive".
If a boy sits in front of a city bus, he is mannerless and cultureless brute.
But if a girl sits in the back seat, "Try to respect ladies, man!".
If a boy gets a big rank in an entrance exam, "You've to work hard".
But if a girl gets a big rank,... Still got 33! Reservation.
If there are girls in a class, the professor gives an interesting lecture,
And if there are no girls, he says,there is no class today.
If a girl does not answer during a viva, then at least 'smile' says the examiner.
But when a boy does not answer," better luck next time".
Monday, January 19, 2009
How to ask your Boss for a salary increase?
One day an employee sends a letter to her boss asking for an increase in her salary!!!
Dear Bo$$
In thi$ life, we all need$ ome thing mo$ t de$ perately. I think you$hould be under $ tanding of the need $ of u $ worker $ who have given$o much $ upport including $ weat and$ ervice to your company.
I am$ure you will gue $$ what I mean and re $ pond $oon.
Your$ $incerely,
Je$$y
The next day, the employee received this letter of reply :
Dear Jessy
I kNO w you have been working very hard.NO wadays,NOthing much has changed.
You must have NOticed that our company isNO t doingNOticeably well as yet .
NOw the newspaper are saying the world`s leading eco NOmists are NOt sure if the United States may go into a NO ther recession. After theNOvember presidential elections things may turn bad .
I have NOthing more to add NO w. You kNOw what I mean.
ANOnymous
Dear Bo$$
In thi$ life, we all need$ ome thing mo$ t de$ perately. I think you$hould be under $ tanding of the need $ of u $ worker $ who have given$o much $ upport including $ weat and$ ervice to your company.
I am$ure you will gue $$ what I mean and re $ pond $oon.
Your$ $incerely,
Je$$y
The next day, the employee received this letter of reply :
Dear Jessy
I kNO w you have been working very hard.NO wadays,NOthing much has changed.
You must have NOticed that our company isNO t doingNOticeably well as yet .
NOw the newspaper are saying the world`s leading eco NOmists are NOt sure if the United States may go into a NO ther recession. After theNOvember presidential elections things may turn bad .
I have NOthing more to add NO w. You kNOw what I mean.
ANOnymous
Sunday, January 4, 2009
20 great one liners!!!
1. Regular naps prevent old age... especially if you take them while driving.
2. Having one child makes you a parent; having two makes you a referee.
3. Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!
4. They said we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried- but they wanted cash.
5. A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school uniforms.
6. Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.
7. Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without... but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.
8. You can't buy love. . But you pay heavily for it.
9. True friends stab you in the front.
10. Forgiveness is giving up my right to hate you for hurting me.
11. Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.
12. Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
13. My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.
14. Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.
15. Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.
16. It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.
17. They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak.
18. Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.
19. Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something.
20. Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between address books.
2. Having one child makes you a parent; having two makes you a referee.
3. Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!
4. They said we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried- but they wanted cash.
5. A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school uniforms.
6. Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.
7. Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without... but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.
8. You can't buy love. . But you pay heavily for it.
9. True friends stab you in the front.
10. Forgiveness is giving up my right to hate you for hurting me.
11. Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.
12. Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
13. My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.
14. Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.
15. Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.
16. It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.
17. They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak.
18. Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.
19. Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something.
20. Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between address books.
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