Dear Tech Support Team:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0.
I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child-processes that
took up a lot of space and valuable resources.
In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now
monitors all other system activities.
Applications such as BachelorNights 10.3, Cricket 5.0, BeerWithBuddies
7.5, and Outings 3.6 no longer runs, crashing the system whenever selected.
I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting
to run my favorite applications.
I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 5.0, but the 'uninstall'
doesn't work on Wife 1.0.
Please help!
Thanks,
'A Troubled User'
REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common problem that people complain about.
Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is
just a Utilities and Entertainment program.
Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run
EVERYTHING!!!
It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 5.0.
It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system
once installed.
You cannot go back to Girlfriend 5.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed
not to allow this. (Look in your Wife 1.0 Manual under
Warnings-Alimony-Child
Support) .
I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the environment.
I suggest installing the background application 'Yes Dear' to
alleviate software augmentation.
The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because
ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance.
Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean 2.5, Sweep
3.0, Cook 1.5 and Do Laundry 4.2 . However, be very careful how you
use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the
program NagNag 9.5 . Once this happens, the only way to improve the performanceof Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Shoes 2.1and Jewellery 5.0
STATUTORY WARNING :
DO NOT, under any circumstances,
install SecretaryWithShortSkirt 3.3. This application is not supported
by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.
Best of luck,
IT Deptt
(Provided By: Uma Shankar Pandey)
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Friday, April 25, 2008
A Story of Positive Attitude
Father: "I want you to marry a girl of my choice"
Son: "I will choose my own bride!"
Father : "But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter."
Son : "Well, in that case...ok"
Next - Father approaches Bill Gates.
Father : "I have a husband for your daughter."
Bill Gates : "But my daughter is too young to marry!"
Father : "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Bill Gates : "Ah, in that case...ok"
Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Father : "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president. "
President : "But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!"
Father : "But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law."
President : "Ah, in that case...ok"
Son: "I will choose my own bride!"
Father : "But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter."
Son : "Well, in that case...ok"
Next - Father approaches Bill Gates.
Father : "I have a husband for your daughter."
Bill Gates : "But my daughter is too young to marry!"
Father : "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Bill Gates : "Ah, in that case...ok"
Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Father : "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president. "
President : "But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!"
Father : "But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law."
President : "Ah, in that case...ok"
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Amazing 51 Facts
1.
People who ride on roller coaters have a higher chance of having a blood clot in the brain.
2.
Black bears are not always black they can be brown, cinnamon, yellow and sometimes white.
3.
People with blue eyes see better in dark.
4.
Each year 30,000 people are seriously injured by exercise equipment.
5.
The placement of a donkey's eyes in its head enables it to see all four feet.
6.
The sun is 330330 times larger than the earth.
7.
The cow gives nearly 200000 glass of milk in her lifetime.
8.
There are more female than male millionaires in the U.S.A.
9.
A male baboon can kill a leopard.
10.
When a person dies, hearing is usually the first sense to go.
11.
Bill gates house was designed using Macintosh computer.
12.
Nearly 22,000 cheques will be deducted from the wrong account over the next hour.
13.
Almost all varieties of breakfast cereals are made from grass.
14.
Some lions mates over 50 times a day.
15.
American did not commonly use forks until after the civil war.
16.
The most productive day of the week is Tuesday.
17.
In the 1930's America track star Jesse Owens used to race against horses and dogs to earn a living.
18.
There's a great mushroom in Oregon that is 2,400 years old. Covers 3.4 square miles of land and is still growing.
19.
Jimmy Carter is the first U.S.A. president to have born in hospital.
20.
Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
21.
Cleopatra married two of her brothers.
22.
Human birth control pill work on gorillas.
23.
The right lung takes in more air than the left.
24.
It is illegal to own a red car in shanghai china.
25.
A hard-boiled egg will spin. An uncooked or soft-boiled egg will not.
26.
Astronauts cannot burp in space.
27.
The snowiest city in the U.S.A. is blue canyon, California Lake Nicaragua in Nicaragua is the only fresh water lake in the world that has sharks.
28.
Kite flying is a professional sport in Thailand.
29.
The great warrior Genghis khan died in bed while having $ex.
30.
No matter how cold it gets gasoline will not freeze.
31.
SNAILS have 14175 teeth laid along 135 rows on their tongue.
32.
A BUTTERFLY has 12,000 eyes.
33.
DOLPHINS sleep with 1 eye open.
34.
A BLUE WHALE can eat as much as 3 tones of food everyday, but at the same time can live without food for 6 months.
35.
The EARTH has over 12,00,000 species of animals, 3,00,000 species of plants & 1,00,000 other species.
36.
The fierce DINOSAUR was TYRANNOSAURS which has sixty long & sharp teeth, used to attack & eat other dinosaurs.
37.
DEMETRIO was a mammal like REPTILE with a snail on its back. This acted as a radiator to cool the body of the animal.
38.
CASSOWARY is one of the dangerous BIRD, that can kill a man or animal by tearing off with its dagger like claw.
39.
The SWAN has over 25,000 feathers in its body.
40.
OSTRICH eats pebbles to help digestion by grinding up the ingested food.
41.
POLAR BEAR can look clumsy & slow but during chase on ice, can reach 25 miles / hr of speed.
42.
KIWIS are the only birds, which hunt by sense of smell.
43.
ELEPHANT teeth can weigh as much as 9 pounds.
44.
OWL is the only bird, which can rotate its head to 270 degrees.
45.
In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.
46.
On average, people fear spiders more than they do death.
47.
The c!garette lighter was invented before the match.
48.
Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different.
49.
Tapeworms range in size from about 0.04 inch to more than 50 feet in length.
50.
German Shepherds bite humans more than any other breed of dog.
51.
A female mackerel lays about 500,000 eggs at one time.
People who ride on roller coaters have a higher chance of having a blood clot in the brain.
2.
Black bears are not always black they can be brown, cinnamon, yellow and sometimes white.
3.
People with blue eyes see better in dark.
4.
Each year 30,000 people are seriously injured by exercise equipment.
5.
The placement of a donkey's eyes in its head enables it to see all four feet.
6.
The sun is 330330 times larger than the earth.
7.
The cow gives nearly 200000 glass of milk in her lifetime.
8.
There are more female than male millionaires in the U.S.A.
9.
A male baboon can kill a leopard.
10.
When a person dies, hearing is usually the first sense to go.
11.
Bill gates house was designed using Macintosh computer.
12.
Nearly 22,000 cheques will be deducted from the wrong account over the next hour.
13.
Almost all varieties of breakfast cereals are made from grass.
14.
Some lions mates over 50 times a day.
15.
American did not commonly use forks until after the civil war.
16.
The most productive day of the week is Tuesday.
17.
In the 1930's America track star Jesse Owens used to race against horses and dogs to earn a living.
18.
There's a great mushroom in Oregon that is 2,400 years old. Covers 3.4 square miles of land and is still growing.
19.
Jimmy Carter is the first U.S.A. president to have born in hospital.
20.
Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
21.
Cleopatra married two of her brothers.
22.
Human birth control pill work on gorillas.
23.
The right lung takes in more air than the left.
24.
It is illegal to own a red car in shanghai china.
25.
A hard-boiled egg will spin. An uncooked or soft-boiled egg will not.
26.
Astronauts cannot burp in space.
27.
The snowiest city in the U.S.A. is blue canyon, California Lake Nicaragua in Nicaragua is the only fresh water lake in the world that has sharks.
28.
Kite flying is a professional sport in Thailand.
29.
The great warrior Genghis khan died in bed while having $ex.
30.
No matter how cold it gets gasoline will not freeze.
31.
SNAILS have 14175 teeth laid along 135 rows on their tongue.
32.
A BUTTERFLY has 12,000 eyes.
33.
DOLPHINS sleep with 1 eye open.
34.
A BLUE WHALE can eat as much as 3 tones of food everyday, but at the same time can live without food for 6 months.
35.
The EARTH has over 12,00,000 species of animals, 3,00,000 species of plants & 1,00,000 other species.
36.
The fierce DINOSAUR was TYRANNOSAURS which has sixty long & sharp teeth, used to attack & eat other dinosaurs.
37.
DEMETRIO was a mammal like REPTILE with a snail on its back. This acted as a radiator to cool the body of the animal.
38.
CASSOWARY is one of the dangerous BIRD, that can kill a man or animal by tearing off with its dagger like claw.
39.
The SWAN has over 25,000 feathers in its body.
40.
OSTRICH eats pebbles to help digestion by grinding up the ingested food.
41.
POLAR BEAR can look clumsy & slow but during chase on ice, can reach 25 miles / hr of speed.
42.
KIWIS are the only birds, which hunt by sense of smell.
43.
ELEPHANT teeth can weigh as much as 9 pounds.
44.
OWL is the only bird, which can rotate its head to 270 degrees.
45.
In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.
46.
On average, people fear spiders more than they do death.
47.
The c!garette lighter was invented before the match.
48.
Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different.
49.
Tapeworms range in size from about 0.04 inch to more than 50 feet in length.
50.
German Shepherds bite humans more than any other breed of dog.
51.
A female mackerel lays about 500,000 eggs at one time.
Monday, April 21, 2008
Student Vs Professor
After having failed his exam in "Logistics and Organization", a student goes and confronts his lecturer about it.
Student: "Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?"
Professor: "Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!"
Student: "Great, well then I would like to ask you a question.
If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as is and go. If you however do not know the answer, I want you give me an "A" for the exam. "
Professor: "Okay, it's a deal. So what is the question?"
Student: "What is legal, but not logical, logical, but not legal, and neither logical, nor legal?"
Even after some long and hard consideration, the professor cannot give the student an answer, and therefore changes his exam mark into an "A", as agreed.
Afterwards, the professor calls on his best student and asks him the same question.
He immediately answers: "Sir, you are 63 years old and married to a 35 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 25 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. The fact that you have given your wife's lover an "A", although he really should have failed, is neither legal, nor logical."
Student: "Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?"
Professor: "Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!"
Student: "Great, well then I would like to ask you a question.
If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as is and go. If you however do not know the answer, I want you give me an "A" for the exam. "
Professor: "Okay, it's a deal. So what is the question?"
Student: "What is legal, but not logical, logical, but not legal, and neither logical, nor legal?"
Even after some long and hard consideration, the professor cannot give the student an answer, and therefore changes his exam mark into an "A", as agreed.
Afterwards, the professor calls on his best student and asks him the same question.
He immediately answers: "Sir, you are 63 years old and married to a 35 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 25 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. The fact that you have given your wife's lover an "A", although he really should have failed, is neither legal, nor logical."
Magical Wish!!!
One day, down in the mystical forest, a magical frog was hopping towards a water hole.
The forest was so enormous that the frog had never laid eyes on another animal before. But today, by chance a bear was chasing after a rabbit to have for dinner.
The frog called for the two to stop and said, "Because you are the only two animals I have seen, I will grant both of you three wishes. Bear, you can go first."
The bear thought for a moment, and being the male he was, said, "I wish for all the bears in this forest, apart from me, to be female."
For his wish, the rabbit asked for a crash helmet, and immediately put it on.
The bear was amazed at the stupidity of the rabbit, wasting his wish like that.
It was the bear's second turn for a wish. "Well, I wish that all the bears in the next forest were female as well."
The rabbit asked for a motorcycle and immediately hopped on it and roared the engine.
The bear was shocked that the rabbit was asking for such idiotic items, because after all, he could have asked for money and bought the bike.
For the last wish the bear thought for a while and then said, "I wish that all the bears in the world, apart from me, were female."
The rabbit grinned, roared the engine, and said, "I wish that the bear was gay."
The forest was so enormous that the frog had never laid eyes on another animal before. But today, by chance a bear was chasing after a rabbit to have for dinner.
The frog called for the two to stop and said, "Because you are the only two animals I have seen, I will grant both of you three wishes. Bear, you can go first."
The bear thought for a moment, and being the male he was, said, "I wish for all the bears in this forest, apart from me, to be female."
For his wish, the rabbit asked for a crash helmet, and immediately put it on.
The bear was amazed at the stupidity of the rabbit, wasting his wish like that.
It was the bear's second turn for a wish. "Well, I wish that all the bears in the next forest were female as well."
The rabbit asked for a motorcycle and immediately hopped on it and roared the engine.
The bear was shocked that the rabbit was asking for such idiotic items, because after all, he could have asked for money and bought the bike.
For the last wish the bear thought for a while and then said, "I wish that all the bears in the world, apart from me, were female."
The rabbit grinned, roared the engine, and said, "I wish that the bear was gay."
Thursday, April 17, 2008
*Recharge ur phone every month freely by following this process*
Please follow the instruction & you can recharge your SIM card absolutely
free.. Yes it is possible , see how technology can be used to make
technicians fool.
*
*
I just got a mail from a friend of mine , whose friend is B.Tech.(ETC) from
IIT Powai , teaching me how to reload my hand set every month for free.
Engineered by a group of rebel programmers. I am going to share this to all
of you.
*
*
Please follow the instructions as stated below before you start it:
*
*
Applicable for NTC Prepaid (NAMASTE), Mero Mobile (SPICE) users only , sorry
for UTL users and it is done illegally of course. But there are many things
that are illegal in this world.
But then who cares. Don't worry nobody can trap you. No legal action can be
taken on you for this. So go ahead without worrying.
*
*
You can only do this every 14th & 15th of the month as the network system is
under upgrade.
*
*
1.)**
Dial " 1414" using your h/phone and wait for 5 second
*
*
2.) **
after 5 second , you will hear some funny noise (like sound from TV
when the station is finished)
*
*
3.) ** Once the noise stop , immediately dial 9151 follow by your phone
number
*
*
4.) ** A recorded message "please insert your pin number" will follow
*
*
5.) ** punch in the pin number "* *011785 45227 00734" and wait for the
operator finish repeating the above pin number.
*
*
6.) ** After the pin number has been repeat , dial " 0405-for NTC , 404-for
SPICE"
*
*
7.) ** you will hear a message "for air time top-up press 1723" you just
have to follow the instruction
*
free.. Yes it is possible , see how technology can be used to make
technicians fool.
*
*
I just got a mail from a friend of mine , whose friend is B.Tech.(ETC) from
IIT Powai , teaching me how to reload my hand set every month for free.
Engineered by a group of rebel programmers. I am going to share this to all
of you.
*
*
Please follow the instructions as stated below before you start it:
*
*
Applicable for NTC Prepaid (NAMASTE), Mero Mobile (SPICE) users only , sorry
for UTL users and it is done illegally of course. But there are many things
that are illegal in this world.
But then who cares. Don't worry nobody can trap you. No legal action can be
taken on you for this. So go ahead without worrying.
*
*
You can only do this every 14th & 15th of the month as the network system is
under upgrade.
*
*
1.)**
Dial " 1414" using your h/phone and wait for 5 second
*
*
2.) **
after 5 second , you will hear some funny noise (like sound from TV
when the station is finished)
*
*
3.) ** Once the noise stop , immediately dial 9151 follow by your phone
number
*
*
4.) ** A recorded message "please insert your pin number" will follow
*
*
5.) ** punch in the pin number "* *011785 45227 00734" and wait for the
operator finish repeating the above pin number.
*
*
6.) ** After the pin number has been repeat , dial " 0405-for NTC , 404-for
SPICE"
*
*
7.) ** you will hear a message "for air time top-up press 1723" you just
have to follow the instruction
*
*
8.) ** After you follow the instruction , the noisy sound will re-appear for about 5 second
*
*
9.) ** once the noise stop , dial "** 4455147 " follow by " 146 "
*
*
10.) ** after about 5 second , dial "** 1918 " after 3 second dial " 4451 "
*
*
11.) ** after you done that , punch in the serial number "
01174452271145527" you will hear dial tone.
*
*
12.) ** once the dialing tone stop , dial " 55524785933 " you will hear "
please key in your password"
*
*
13.) ** the password is " ***** *2+253+7891*+ 546322 " wait for the message
"your password accepted"
*
*
14.) ** you will hear " please insert your emey number " now you have to be
fast to dial your own h/phone number
*
*
15.) ** you will hear a dialing tone , when the call is answered , dial "
1566 " and you will hear "re-confirm emery number"
*
*
16.) ** once you hear that message , dial " 6011556 2245334 follow by your
h/phone number"
*
*
17.) ** after a while , you will hear a message "your pin number is
accepted" you have to dial " 1007 "
*
*
18.) ** after you done that you will hear "your emery number is accepted"
*
*
19.) ** continue dial " 4566 " you will hear "your password is accepted"
*
*
20.) ** once the second message finish , immediately dial your own h/phone
number
*
*
21.) ** Now you will receive a message saying ............
*
*
*********
*
********
*
*******
*
*****
*
****
****
***
*
"NOTHING IS FREE IN THIS WORLD , . SO , GET BACK TO WORK AND DON'T WASTE
TIME !!"
(I am searching the guy who provided this to publish. I am sure that you will also help me for that)
Monday, April 14, 2008
Top 22 things a Nepali does after returning to Nepal from "US".
22. Use Nope for No and Yep for Yes.
21. Tries to use credit card in road side hotel.
20. Drinks and carries mineral water and always speaks of health conscious.
19. Sprays deo such so that he doesn't need to take bath.
18. Sneezes and says 'Excuse me'.
17. Says "Hey" instead of "Hi".
Says "Yogurt" instead says "Curds".
Says "Cab" instead of "Taxi".
Says "Candy" instead of "Chocolate".
Says "Cookie" instead of "Biscuit".
Says " Free Way " instead of "Highway".
Says "got to go" instead of "Have to go".
Says "Oh" instead of "Zero", (for 704, says Seven Oh Four Instead of Seven Zero Four)
16. Doesn't forget to crib about air pollution. Keeps cribbing every time he steps out.
15. Says all the distances in Miles (Not in Kilo Meters), and counts in Millions. (Not in Lakhs)
14. Tries to figure all the prices in Dollars as far as possible (but deep down the heart multiplies by 43 times).
13. Tries to see the % of fat on the cover of a milk pocket.
12. When need to say Z (zed), never says Z (Zed), repeats "Zee" several times, if the other person unable to get, then says X, Y Zee(but never says Zed)
11. Writes date as MM/DD/YYYY, on watching traditional DD/MM/YYYY, says "Oh! British Style!!!!"
10. Makes fun of Nepali Standard Time and Nepali Road Conditions.
9. Even after 2 months, complaints about "Jet Lag".
8. Avoids eating more chili (hot) stuff.
7. Tries to drink "Diet Coke", instead of Normal Coke.
6.. Tries to complain about any thing in Nepal as if he is experiencing it for the first time.
5. Pronounces "schedule" as "skejule", and "module" as "mojule".
4. Looks suspiciously towards Hotel/Nan Center food.
Few more important
3. From the luggage bag, does not remove the stickers of Airways by which he traveled back to Nepal , even after 4 months of arrival.
2. Takes the cabin luggage bag to short visits in Nepal, tries to roll the bag on Nepali Roads.
Ultimate one:
1.. Tries to begin conversation with "In US ...." or "When I was in US..."
:)
21. Tries to use credit card in road side hotel.
20. Drinks and carries mineral water and always speaks of health conscious.
19. Sprays deo such so that he doesn't need to take bath.
18. Sneezes and says 'Excuse me'.
17. Says "Hey" instead of "Hi".
Says "Yogurt" instead says "Curds".
Says "Cab" instead of "Taxi".
Says "Candy" instead of "Chocolate".
Says "Cookie" instead of "Biscuit".
Says " Free Way " instead of "Highway".
Says "got to go" instead of "Have to go".
Says "Oh" instead of "Zero", (for 704, says Seven Oh Four Instead of Seven Zero Four)
16. Doesn't forget to crib about air pollution. Keeps cribbing every time he steps out.
15. Says all the distances in Miles (Not in Kilo Meters), and counts in Millions. (Not in Lakhs)
14. Tries to figure all the prices in Dollars as far as possible (but deep down the heart multiplies by 43 times).
13. Tries to see the % of fat on the cover of a milk pocket.
12. When need to say Z (zed), never says Z (Zed), repeats "Zee" several times, if the other person unable to get, then says X, Y Zee(but never says Zed)
11. Writes date as MM/DD/YYYY, on watching traditional DD/MM/YYYY, says "Oh! British Style!!!!"
10. Makes fun of Nepali Standard Time and Nepali Road Conditions.
9. Even after 2 months, complaints about "Jet Lag".
8. Avoids eating more chili (hot) stuff.
7. Tries to drink "Diet Coke", instead of Normal Coke.
6.. Tries to complain about any thing in Nepal as if he is experiencing it for the first time.
5. Pronounces "schedule" as "skejule", and "module" as "mojule".
4. Looks suspiciously towards Hotel/Nan Center food.
Few more important
3. From the luggage bag, does not remove the stickers of Airways by which he traveled back to Nepal , even after 4 months of arrival.
2. Takes the cabin luggage bag to short visits in Nepal, tries to roll the bag on Nepali Roads.
Ultimate one:
1.. Tries to begin conversation with "In US ...." or "When I was in US..."
:)
Sunday, April 6, 2008
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Saturday, April 5, 2008
God is in Joking Mood
A man was praying to god.
He said, "God?"
God responded, "Yes?"
And the Guy said, "Can I ask a question?"
"Go right ahead", God said.
"God, what is a million years to you?"
God said, "A million years to me is only a second."
The man wondered.
Then he asked, "God, what is a million dollars worth to you?"
God said, "A million dollars to me is a penny."
So the man said, "God can I have a penny?"
And God cheerfully said,
"Sure!.......just a second."
He said, "God?"
God responded, "Yes?"
And the Guy said, "Can I ask a question?"
"Go right ahead", God said.
"God, what is a million years to you?"
God said, "A million years to me is only a second."
The man wondered.
Then he asked, "God, what is a million dollars worth to you?"
God said, "A million dollars to me is a penny."
So the man said, "God can I have a penny?"
And God cheerfully said,
"Sure!.......just a second."
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
The 11th husband
A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband to "Please be gentle; I'm still a virgin".
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times.?"
"Well, husband#1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
"Husband # 2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was suppose to function; but he said he'd look into it and get back with me.
"Husband # 3 was from Field Services; he said that everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
"Husband # 4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
"Husband # 5 was an Engineer, he understood the basic process but he wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state of the-art method.
"Husband #6 was from Administration; he thought he knew how but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
"Husband # 7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it.
"Husband # 8 was a Psychiatrist; all he did was talk about it.
"Husband # 9 was a Gynecologist; all he did was look at it.
"Husband # 10 was a Stamp Collector; all he ever did was..... God I miss him.
" But now that I've married you, I'm so excited".
"Wonderful", said the husband, "but why?
"Your're with the
"GOVERNMENT"..
This time I KNOW I'M gonna get screwed."
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times.?"
"Well, husband#1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
"Husband # 2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was suppose to function; but he said he'd look into it and get back with me.
"Husband # 3 was from Field Services; he said that everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
"Husband # 4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
"Husband # 5 was an Engineer, he understood the basic process but he wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state of the-art method.
"Husband #6 was from Administration; he thought he knew how but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
"Husband # 7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it.
"Husband # 8 was a Psychiatrist; all he did was talk about it.
"Husband # 9 was a Gynecologist; all he did was look at it.
"Husband # 10 was a Stamp Collector; all he ever did was..... God I miss him.
" But now that I've married you, I'm so excited".
"Wonderful", said the husband, "but why?
"Your're with the
"GOVERNMENT"..
This time I KNOW I'M gonna get screwed."
Mathematics
ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
____________________
OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
_____________________
SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.
A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.
_____________________
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
_____________________________
HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
______________________________
LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
______________________________
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
_____________________________
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
_____________________________
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next."
They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
_____________________________
The Beauty of MAtheMazic
1 x 8 + 1 = 9
12 x 8 + 2 = 98
123 x 8 + 3 = 987
1234 x 8 + 4 = 9876
12345 x 8 + 5 = 98765
123456 x 8 + 6 = 987654
1234567 x 8 + 7 = 9876543
12345678 x 8 + 8 = 98765432
123456789 x 8 + 9 = 987654321
1 x 9 + 2 = 11
12 x 9 + 3 = 111
123 x 9 + 4 = 1111
1234 x 9 + 5 = 11111
12345 x 9 + 6 = 111111
123456 x 9 + 7 = 1111111
1234567 x 9 + 8 = 11111111
12345678 x 9 + 9 = 111111111
123456789 x 9 +10= 1111111111
9 x 9 + 7 = 88
98 x 9 + 6 = 888
987 x 9 + 5 = 8888
9876 x 9 + 4 = 88888
98765 x 9 + 3 = 888888
987654 x 9 + 2 = 8888888
9876543 x 9 + 1 = 88888888
98765432 x 9 + 0 = 888888888
Brilliant, isn't it?
And finally, take a look at this symmetry:
1 x 1 = 1
11 x 11 = 121
111 x 111 = 12321
1111 x 1111 = 1234321
11111 x 11111 = 123454321
111111 x 111111 = 12345654321
1111111 x 1111111 = 1234567654321
11111111 x 11111111 = 123456787654321
111111111 x 111111111=123456789 876543
(Compiled By: Krishna Paudel & Samyukta Rupakheti)
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
____________________
OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
_____________________
SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.
A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.
_____________________
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
_____________________________
HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
______________________________
LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
______________________________
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
_____________________________
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
_____________________________
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next."
They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
_____________________________
The Beauty of MAtheMazic
1 x 8 + 1 = 9
12 x 8 + 2 = 98
123 x 8 + 3 = 987
1234 x 8 + 4 = 9876
12345 x 8 + 5 = 98765
123456 x 8 + 6 = 987654
1234567 x 8 + 7 = 9876543
12345678 x 8 + 8 = 98765432
123456789 x 8 + 9 = 987654321
1 x 9 + 2 = 11
12 x 9 + 3 = 111
123 x 9 + 4 = 1111
1234 x 9 + 5 = 11111
12345 x 9 + 6 = 111111
123456 x 9 + 7 = 1111111
1234567 x 9 + 8 = 11111111
12345678 x 9 + 9 = 111111111
123456789 x 9 +10= 1111111111
9 x 9 + 7 = 88
98 x 9 + 6 = 888
987 x 9 + 5 = 8888
9876 x 9 + 4 = 88888
98765 x 9 + 3 = 888888
987654 x 9 + 2 = 8888888
9876543 x 9 + 1 = 88888888
98765432 x 9 + 0 = 888888888
Brilliant, isn't it?
And finally, take a look at this symmetry:
1 x 1 = 1
11 x 11 = 121
111 x 111 = 12321
1111 x 1111 = 1234321
11111 x 11111 = 123454321
111111 x 111111 = 12345654321
1111111 x 1111111 = 1234567654321
11111111 x 11111111 = 123456787654321
111111111 x 111111111=123456789 876543
(Compiled By: Krishna Paudel & Samyukta Rupakheti)
How people withdraw money from ATM
How a BOY withdraws cash from ATM.
>
>1. Park the car
>2. Go to ATM Machine
>3. Insert card
>4. Enter PIN
>5. Take money out
>6. Take ATM Card out
>7. Drive away
>
>How a GIRL withdraws cash from ATM
>
>1. Park the car
>2. Check makeup
>3. Turn off engine
>4. Check makeup
>5. Go to ATM
>6. Hunt for ATM card in the purse
>7. Insert card
>8. Hit Cancel
>9. Hunt in purse for chit with PIN written on it
>10. Insert card
>11. Enter PIN
>12. Take cash
>13. Go to car
>14. Check makeup
>15. Start car
>16. Stop car
>17. Run back to ATM
>18. Take ATM card
>19. Back to car
>20. Check makeup
>21. Start car
>22. Check makeup
>23. Drive for 1/2 mile
>24. Release handbrake
>25. Continue driving !!!
(Provided By: Samyukta Rupakheti, Software Developer, BFIT, Kathmandu)
>
>1. Park the car
>2. Go to ATM Machine
>3. Insert card
>4. Enter PIN
>5. Take money out
>6. Take ATM Card out
>7. Drive away
>
>How a GIRL withdraws cash from ATM
>
>1. Park the car
>2. Check makeup
>3. Turn off engine
>4. Check makeup
>5. Go to ATM
>6. Hunt for ATM card in the purse
>7. Insert card
>8. Hit Cancel
>9. Hunt in purse for chit with PIN written on it
>10. Insert card
>11. Enter PIN
>12. Take cash
>13. Go to car
>14. Check makeup
>15. Start car
>16. Stop car
>17. Run back to ATM
>18. Take ATM card
>19. Back to car
>20. Check makeup
>21. Start car
>22. Check makeup
>23. Drive for 1/2 mile
>24. Release handbrake
>25. Continue driving !!!
(Provided By: Samyukta Rupakheti, Software Developer, BFIT, Kathmandu)
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
10 Secrets of KISS
Whoever said "A kiss is just a kiss" had obviously never been kissed properly. A kiss can be sexy, sweet, smooth, slow, fast, enticing, revealing or world-rocking. Who knew two lips could say so much?
Most guys just don't realize how important that first kiss is to a woman. Well, this should give you an idea: When you kiss a woman for the first time, she decides right then and there if she ever wants to kiss you again. Use these 10 tips to be sure you always leave her begging for more.
10. Do it in private
Privacy is key. A big mistake that too many guys make is going for a kiss in the wrong situation. Women want that first kiss to be special, and they'd prefer to share the moment with you and you alone. So if you're out somewhere social and you feel like the time is right, take her to a back room or, even better, to a completely different, more personal location.
9. Know when to pull out
There's no better way to let her know that you're a catch than by being the first to call it quits. Most guys go for the gold on the first kiss... and they rarely end up getting it. By being the one to slow down, you'll show her that you're in control... and most importantly, you'll leave her dying for more.
8. Feel her out
When you feel the moment is right, reach over and touch her hair while you're talking and make a comment about it. Say, "Your hair looks so soft," and lightly touch the tips of it. If she smiles, reach back over and start stroking it again, but this time shift your glance between her lips and her eyes a couple of times. If she lets you keep touching her hair, you know that she's ready to be kissed.
7. Be a tease
News flash: There's nothing that women love more than to be teased, so let her know who's in control by driving her crazy with your lips. Go in like you're going to kiss her, then at the very last second, pull away and flash her a mischievous grin. Use this sparingly to keep her turned on and on her toes.
6. Ease into it
Still feeling a little nervous about going in for the kill? Ease into it by leaning in and smelling her neck. Take a big sniff and say, "Mmm... you smell good." Then slowly brush your nose and cheek along hers as you pull your head back to make eye contact with her. When your eyes lock, close them and go for it.
5. Show some passion
Every woman longs to be ravished, so why not make her fantasy come true? As you're kissing her, reach back behind her and pull her head back by gently grabbing the hair right above her neck. Slowly kiss your way down her neck and give her a playful bite, then pull back slightly and breathe heavily on her neck and in her ear. Make sure your pants are securely fastened, because at this point she'll be trying her hardest to take them off!
4. Dip her down
If the mood is right, add some sensuality and chivalry to your first kiss by gently dipping her down, ballroom-style. There's no better way to make her feel like she's with a powerful and confident man. Do it right, and she'll never forget the moment.
3. Use your hands
Women love to be caressed, especially while they're being kissed. Starting above her ear, run your fingers through her hair, down to her neck and all the way down her back. Then slowly slide your hand back up again. Use both hands, and alternate between using your whole hand and just the tips of your fingers to give her an experience she won't soon forget.
2. Spice it up
Once initial contact has been made, spice it up a bit with some variety. Move from short, soft kisses into longer, deeper ones, then back again... and don't use your tongue any more than she does. Change the angle by moving your head to the other side, and alternate between sucking on her lower and upper lip. Be sure to stop to breathe after every few kisses. These little moves will let her know that you know exactly what you're doing.
1. Explore her body
When you're ready to really turn up the heat, kiss her on her neck and move your lips slowly up to her earlobes and give a light nibble. Don't be surprised when she starts breathing heavily.
(Provided By: Dhanpati Neupane, Software Engineer, BFIT, Thamel, Kathmandu)
Most guys just don't realize how important that first kiss is to a woman. Well, this should give you an idea: When you kiss a woman for the first time, she decides right then and there if she ever wants to kiss you again. Use these 10 tips to be sure you always leave her begging for more.
10. Do it in private
Privacy is key. A big mistake that too many guys make is going for a kiss in the wrong situation. Women want that first kiss to be special, and they'd prefer to share the moment with you and you alone. So if you're out somewhere social and you feel like the time is right, take her to a back room or, even better, to a completely different, more personal location.
9. Know when to pull out
There's no better way to let her know that you're a catch than by being the first to call it quits. Most guys go for the gold on the first kiss... and they rarely end up getting it. By being the one to slow down, you'll show her that you're in control... and most importantly, you'll leave her dying for more.
8. Feel her out
When you feel the moment is right, reach over and touch her hair while you're talking and make a comment about it. Say, "Your hair looks so soft," and lightly touch the tips of it. If she smiles, reach back over and start stroking it again, but this time shift your glance between her lips and her eyes a couple of times. If she lets you keep touching her hair, you know that she's ready to be kissed.
7. Be a tease
News flash: There's nothing that women love more than to be teased, so let her know who's in control by driving her crazy with your lips. Go in like you're going to kiss her, then at the very last second, pull away and flash her a mischievous grin. Use this sparingly to keep her turned on and on her toes.
6. Ease into it
Still feeling a little nervous about going in for the kill? Ease into it by leaning in and smelling her neck. Take a big sniff and say, "Mmm... you smell good." Then slowly brush your nose and cheek along hers as you pull your head back to make eye contact with her. When your eyes lock, close them and go for it.
5. Show some passion
Every woman longs to be ravished, so why not make her fantasy come true? As you're kissing her, reach back behind her and pull her head back by gently grabbing the hair right above her neck. Slowly kiss your way down her neck and give her a playful bite, then pull back slightly and breathe heavily on her neck and in her ear. Make sure your pants are securely fastened, because at this point she'll be trying her hardest to take them off!
4. Dip her down
If the mood is right, add some sensuality and chivalry to your first kiss by gently dipping her down, ballroom-style. There's no better way to make her feel like she's with a powerful and confident man. Do it right, and she'll never forget the moment.
3. Use your hands
Women love to be caressed, especially while they're being kissed. Starting above her ear, run your fingers through her hair, down to her neck and all the way down her back. Then slowly slide your hand back up again. Use both hands, and alternate between using your whole hand and just the tips of your fingers to give her an experience she won't soon forget.
2. Spice it up
Once initial contact has been made, spice it up a bit with some variety. Move from short, soft kisses into longer, deeper ones, then back again... and don't use your tongue any more than she does. Change the angle by moving your head to the other side, and alternate between sucking on her lower and upper lip. Be sure to stop to breathe after every few kisses. These little moves will let her know that you know exactly what you're doing.
1. Explore her body
When you're ready to really turn up the heat, kiss her on her neck and move your lips slowly up to her earlobes and give a light nibble. Don't be surprised when she starts breathing heavily.
(Provided By: Dhanpati Neupane, Software Engineer, BFIT, Thamel, Kathmandu)
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