Do U Know C++ Programming

#include STD_ISD_PCO.h
#include mobile.h
#include sms.h
#include love.h
#define Cute beautiful_lady

void main(void)
{
goto college;
scanf("100%" ,&ladies);

if(lady ==Cute)
line++;
while( !reply )
{
printf("I Love U");
scanf("100%" ,&reply);
}

if(reply == "GAALI")
main(); /* go back and repeat the process */

else if(reply == "SANDAL ")
exit(1);

else if(reply == "I Love U")
{
lover =Cute ;
love = (heart*)malloc( sizeof(lover) ); /*Dynamic Memory Allocation*/
}
goto restaurant;

restaurant:
{
food++;
smile++;
pay->money = lover->money;
return(college) ;
}

if(time==2.30)
goto cinema;

cinema:
{
watch++;
if(intermission)
{
coke++;
Popecorn++;
}
}
}

Ultimate Misunderstanding....

Mr. Sharma comes home one night, and his wife throws her arms around his neck:

"I have great news: I'm a month overdue. I think we're going to have a baby!

The doctor gave me a test today, but until we find out for sure, we can't tell anybody."

The next day, Mrs. Sharma receives a telephone call from Reliance Company because the electricity bill has not been paid.

" Am I speaking to Mrs. Sharma? "

"Yes... speaking"

Reliance guy, "You're a month overdue, you know!"

"How do YOU know?" stammers the young woman.

"Well, ma'am, it's in our files!" says the Reliance guy.

"What are you saying? It's in your files ...HOW?????"

" Yes ............ . We have a system of finding out who's overdue "

" GOD!!!!!!... ...... This is too much........ .."

"Madam, I am sorry... I am following orders.... I have to inform you are overdue"

"I know that ... let me talk to my husband about this tonight. .... He will speak to your company tomorrow "

That night, she tells her husband about the incident, and he, mad as a bull, rushes to Reliance office the next day morning.

"What's going on? You have it on file that my wife is a month overdue?

What business is that of yours?" the husband shouts.

"Just calm down," says the lady at the reception at Reliance, "it's nothing serious. All you have to do is pay us."

"PAY you? And if I refuse?"

"Well, in that case, sir, we'd have no option but to cut yours off."

"And what would my wife do then?" the husband asks.

"I don't know. I guess she'd have to use a candle."

Wife was Cheating!!!

A guy thought his wife was cheating on him. So he waited for her to leave that night and jumped in a cab to follow her. By following her he found out she was working in a whorehouse.

The guy says to the cabbie, "Wanna make a $100?" The cabbie says, "Sure, what do I have to do?".

The guy replied that all the cabbie has to do was go inside the whorehouse and grab his wife and put her in the back of the cab and take them home. So the cabbie goes in.

A couple of minutes later the whore house gets kicked open, and the cabbie is dragging this women out who is kicking, biting, punching, and fighting all the way to the cab. The cabbie opens the door to the cab, throws the girl inside, and tells the man, "Here hold her!!"

The man looks down at the girl and says to the cabbie, "THIS AIN'T MY WIFE".

The cabbie replied, "I KNOW, IT'S MINE; I'M GOING BACK IN FOR YOURS!!".

Words Women Use

Fine

This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.


***********


Five Minutes

If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour.

Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.


***********


Nothing


This is the calm before the storm. This means "something" and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with "nothing" usually end in "fine".


***********

Go Ahead

This is a dare, not permission, DON'T DO IT!


***********

Loud Sigh


Although not actually a word, the loud sigh is often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".


***********


That's Okay

This is one of the most dangerous statements that woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.


***********

Thanks

This is the least used of all words in the female vocabulary. If a woman is thanking you. Do not question it, just say you're welcome and back out of the room slowly.

***********

Are You Going to get Married???

#CASE 1

Getting married is like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.

#CASE 2

At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger??" The other replied, "Yes, I am. I married the wrong man."

#CASE 3

Before a man is married, he is incomplete. Then when he is married, he is finished.

#CASE 4

Marriage is an institution in which a man losses his bachelor's degree and the woman gets her master's status.

#CASE 5

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married??" And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying for it."

#CASE 6

Young son : "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad : "That happens in most countries son."

#CASE 7

Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married, and then it was too late."

#CASE 8

A happy marriage is a matter of give and take; the husband gives and the wife takes

#CASE 9

When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten-year married man looks happy, we wonder why. Affair ?

#CASE 10

In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

#CASE 11

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." And the Husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it."

#CASE 12

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classified : "Wife wanted". The next day, he received hundreds letters. They all said the same thing "You can have mine."

#CASE 13

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing : either the car is new or his wife is new.

#CASE 14

A woman was telling her friend : "It is I who made my husband a millionaire."
"And what was he before you married him?" the friend asked. The woman replied, "A Billionaire." :)

Why the Call Center Guys are Paid so Much

1) Tech Support : "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer : "Ok."
Tech Support : "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer : "No."
Tech Support : "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer : "No."
Tech Support : "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"
Customer : "Sure, you told me to write 'click'
and I wrote 'click'."

------------ --------- --------- ----------

2) Customer : "I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting the same error message."
Tech : "Did you install the update?"
Customer : "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --

3)Customer : "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word."
Tech : "Tell me what you've done."
Customer : "I typed 'A: SETUP'."
Tech : "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says."
Customer : "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'."
Tech : "Insert the MS Word setup disk."
Customer : "What?"
Tech : "Did you buy MS word?"
Customer : "No..."

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --

4) Customer : "Do I need a computer to use your software?"
Tech : ?!%#$ (welll pretend to smile)

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --

5) Tech : "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, canyou see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer : "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"
Tech : ##### ***

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --

6) Tech : "What type of computer do you have?"
Customer : "A white one."
Tech : ******_____# ###

------------ --------- --------- ------------ --------

7) Tech : "What operating system are you running?"
Customer : "Pentium."
Tech : ////-----+++

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --

8). Customer : "My computer's telling me I performed an illegal abortion."
Tech : ??????

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --

9).Cus tomer : "I have Microsoft Exploder."
Tech : ?!%#$

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --

10).Customer : "How do I print my voicemail?"
Tech : ??????

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --

11). Customer : "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print document, but the computer won't boot properly."
Tech : "What does it say?"
Customer : "Something about an error and non-system disk."
Tech : "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"
Customer : "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside."
Tech : @@@@@

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --

12). Tech : "Just call us back if there's a problem. We're
open 24 hours."
Customer : "Is that Eastern time?"

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --

13). Tech : "What does the screen say now?"
Customer : "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."
Tech : "Well?"
Customer : "How do I know when it's ready?"
Tech : *** ---- ++++

------------ --------- --------- ------------ --------

The best of the lot
14) A plain computer illiterate guy rings Tech Support to report that his computer is faulty.
Tech : What's the problem?
User : There is smoke coming out of the power supply.
Tech : (keep quite)
Tech : You'll need a new power supply.
User : No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files.
Tech : Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll need to replace it.
User : No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup and it will fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the command.
Tech : 10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is right. The tech is frustrated and fed up.
Tech : (hush hush)
Tech : Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our customers this, but there is an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem.
User : I knew it!
Tech : Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at the end of the CONFIG.SYS . Let me know how it goes.

(10 minutes later)
User : It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking.
Tech : Well, what version of DOS are you using?
User : MS-DOS 6.22.
Tech : That's your problem there. That version of DOS didn't come with NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you the file. Let me know how it goes.

(1 hour later)
User : I need a new power supply.
Tech : How did you come to that conclusion?
Tech : (hush hush)
User : Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said, and he started asking questions about the make of power supply.
Tech : Then what did he say?
User : He told me that my power supply isn't compatible with NOSMOKE.

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -

Heights Of all (Too Good)

15) Customer care officer : I need a product identification number right now and may I help u in finding it out?
Cust : sure
CCO : could u left click on start and do u find 'My Computer'?
Cust : I did left click but how the hell do I find your computer?

(Provided By: Surendra Narayan Yadav)

Love Vs Marriage

Love is holding hands in the street.
Marriage is holding arguments in the street.

Love is dinner for 2 in your favorite restaurant.
Marriage is a take home packet.

Love is cuddling on a sofa.
Marriage is one of them sleeping on a sofa.

Love is talking about having children.
Marriage is talking about getting away from children.

Love is going to bed early.
Marriage is going to sleep early.

Love is a romantic drive.
Marriage is arrive on tops curvy tarmac .

Love is losing your appetite.
Marriage is losing your figure.

Love is sweet nothing in the ear.
Marriage is sweet nothing in the bank.

Tv has no place in love.
Marriage is a fight for remote control.

Love is 1 drink and 2 straws.
Marriage is "Don't you think you've had enough!".

Conclusion: "Love is blind, Marriage is an eye opener!"