Most toughest questions from girls!!!

The questions are:

1. What are you thinking about?
2. Do you love me?
3. Do I look fat?
4. Do you think she is prettier than me?
5. What would you do if I died?


What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (i.e tells the truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is analyzed below, along with possible responses.

Question # 1: What are you thinking about?
The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you." This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following:

1. Baseball.
2. Football.
3. How fat you are.
4. How much prettier she is than you.
5. How I would spend the insurance money if you died.

(Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al Bundy,who once told Peg, "If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to you!")

Question # 2: Do you love me?
The proper response is: "YES!" or, if you feel a more detailed answer is in order, "Yes, dear." Inappropriate responses include:
1. I suppose so.
2. Would it make you feel better if I said yes?
3. That depends on what you mean by love.
4. Does it matter?
5. Who, me?

Question # 3: Do I look fat?
The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course not!" Among the incorrect answers are:
1. Compared to what?
2. I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin.
3. A little extra weight looks good on you.
4. I've seen fatter.
5. Could you repeat the question?
I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

Question # 4: Do you think she's prettier than me?
Once again, the proper response is an emphatic: "Of course not!"
Incorrect responses include:
1. Yes, but you have a better personality
2. Not prettier, but definitely thinner
3. Not as pretty as you, when you were her age
4. Define 'pretty'
5. Could you repeat the question?
I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

Question #5: What would you do if I died?
A definite no-win question. (The real answer, or course, is "Buy a Corvette.")No matter how you answer this, be prepared for at least an hour of follow-up questions,usually along the these lines:

She....Would you get married again?
He.....Definitely not!
She....Why not - don't you like being married?
He.....Of course I do.
She....Then why wouldn't you remarry?
He.....Okay, I'd get married again.
She....You would? (With a hurtful look on her face)
He.....Yes, I would.
She....Would you sleep with her in our bed?
He.....Where else would we sleep?
She....Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her?
He.....That would seem like the proper thing to do.
She....And would you let her use my golf clubs?
He.....She can't use them; she's left-handed.

One day, while a woodcutter....

One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river,
his axe fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked,
"Why are you crying?" The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into
water, and he needed the axe to make his living.

The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe.

"Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.

The woodcutter replied, "No."

The Lord again went down and came up with a silver axe.

"Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.

Again, the woodcutter replied, "No."

The Lord went down again and came up with an iron axe.

"Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.

The woodcutter replied, "Yes."

The Lord was pleased with the man's honesty and gave him all three axes to
keep, and the woodcutter went home happy.

Some time later the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the
riverbank, and his wife fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord
again appeared and asked him, "Why are you crying?"

"Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!"

The Lord went down into the water and came up with Jennifer Lopez.

"Is this your wife?" the Lord asked.

"Yes," cried the woodcutter.

The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!"

The woodcutter replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding.
You see, if I had said 'no' to Jennifer Lopez, You would have come up with
Catherine Zeta-Jones. Then if I also said 'no' to her, you would have come
up with my wife. Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three.
Lord, I am a poor man, and am not able to take care of all three wives, so
THAT'S why I said yes to Jennifer Lopez."
:)

Never Give Up!

One day a young lady was driving along with her father.
They came upon a storm, and the young lady asked her father, What should I do?"
He said "keep driving". Cars began to pull over to the side, the storm was
Getting worse.

"What should I do." The young lady asked?

"Keep driving," her father replied.

On up a few feet, she noticed that eighteen wheelers were also pulling over.
She told her dad, "I must pull over, I can barely see ahead. It is
Terrible, and everyone is pulling over!"

Her father told her, "Don't give up, just keep driving!"


Now the storm was terrible, but she never stopped driving, and soon she
Could see a little more clearly. After a couple of miles she was again on
Dry land, and the sun came out.


Her father said, "Now you can pull over and get out."

She said "But why now?"

He said "When you get out, look back at all the people that gave up and are
Still in the storm, because you never gave up your storm is now over.


This is a testimony for anyone who is going through "hard times".


Just because everyone else, even the strongest, gives up. You don't have
To...if you keep going, soon your storm will be over and the sun will shine
Upon your face again.